


I Need Somebody

by Fernon



Series: Not Broken; Just Bent [6]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Cute, Emotional Constipation, Fluff, I Love You, JUST SAY IT ALREADY WONWOO, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Sad, Panic Attacks, Sad, Serious fluff, Shameless Smut, Smut, Travel, Vacation, Weddings, World Travel, happy stuff, it gets better dont worry, meanie hurts my heart, this one is long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-19 03:49:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22904686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fernon/pseuds/Fernon
Summary: Wonwoo takes Mingyu to Japan.Wonwoo realizes he can't be alone forever.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Series: Not Broken; Just Bent [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1487822
Comments: 62
Kudos: 320





	1. I Would Love You From Afar

**Author's Note:**

> HEY GUYS it took a while but I feel like I've been to hell and back again and I've been highly motivated to write for the last... week or so. HERE IT IS, this may very well be the last part of this series (but we'll see). I have three separate playlists I used while writing this, but the title is based off of I Need Somebody by Day6 because you're lying if you say that song doesn't make you cry. This first part was mostly my soft love playlist though, so there's that.
> 
> I'd also like to preface this with saying: I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO JAPAN. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE THERE IN THE SLIGHTEST. I HAD MY BEST FRIEND AUBREY DO SOME RESEARCH ON SOME TOURISTY THINGS (SHES THE REAL MVP THANK YOU SO MUCH) SO I HAVE NO IDEA IF ANY OF THIS IS ACCURATE SO PLEASE TAKE IT WITH A GRAIN OF SALT! Enjoy!

Wonwoo stares at the man standing before him, hair toussled from sleep, shirtless, and his neck littered in hickies. “Uh- Gyu- the flight, it’s in an hour.” Wonwoo feels the weight of the tiny velvet box in his pocket weighing his soul down.

Mingyu stares at him blankly. “What flight?”

“To Japan. For our vacation… Why are you covered in hickies?” Wonwoo raises an eyebrow.

“Why the fuck would I go to Japan with you, Wonwoo? You’re the worst man I’ve ever met. Do you know how many times you tossed me aside for someone else?”

“What? Gyu, I never- I haven’t-”

“Fuck off, Wonwoo. I don’t want you, I don’t know how anyone could ever want you. You’re a pathetic human being, and you can’t get over your own stupid issues. Even Minghao didn’t want you.”

Wonwoo can feel his chest constricting, and his gut churning, and the tears that sting his eyes. “Mingyu-”

“Go away.” Mingyu’s eyes are cold and hard, and Wonwoo’s heart breaks. 

“Mingyu, who’s at the door?” A faint, indistinguishable man calls from somewhere in the apartment. 

“Nobody, my love. Just some- confused slob.” Mingyu says, and an equally handsome man shows up beside him, giving Wonwoo a distasteful look, and then kissing Mingyu hungrily. The door swings shut in Wonwoo’s face with a loud slam. 

Wonwoo bolts upright in bed, gasping for air, choking on a sob. His face is covered with tear tracks, and his pillow is soaked with them. His chest  _ hurts _ , and he’s drenched in a cold sweat. 3:47 am. Wonwoo’s chest is heaving, and he can’t control his breathing. He wants Mingyu, he wants the comfort that comes with him, he wants to be held, he wants to feel  _ okay. _ Wonwoo’s hands tremble, as he reaches for his glasses on the nightstand. He stumbles to the bathroom and lays on the cold floor, trying to sprawl out as best as he can, no matter how badly he just wants to curl in on himself and hiccup on air that seems to avoid his lungs. 

It takes him twenty minutes to calm down, and even after that, he’s trembling. He feels sick, but he can’t bear to stand in this bathroom any longer. He pushes to his feet, grabs the softest blanket from his bed, and makes himself a glass of ice water, before shuffling to the dining room and sitting at the table. He hits the button to make the blinds raise, waiting for the sun to rise. The city lights are still flickering, though, and will be for another hour at least. 

Mingyu is the only thing on his mind. He’s been having these dreams for a month now, ever since that stupid night, where he threw up at Mingyu’s, when he found out Mingyu was- seeing other people. Wonwoo’s had a lot to think about. And none of it has been good. Because dream Mingyu was right. Wonwoo is a pathetic excuse for a human being, and Mingyu deserves someone else. Someone who isn’t messed up, who can handle him, and give him the love that he deserves. 

And Wonwoo is selfish, and he knows he is, because all he fucking  _ wants  _ is Mingyu, because Mingyu is the only person he’s cared so deeply for in so long and Wonwoo doesn’t know what to fucking do about that. His hands itch to text Mingyu- to call him, to seek comfort in him. Wonwoo wraps the blanket tighter around himself, and calls out to his speaker to play some playlist. 

Wonwoo listens to the music, as Mingyu’s empty eyes stare at him in his mind, the ones that told him to go away, the ones that are normally so soft and warm and full of happiness and- affection. Wonwoo sighs and waits on the sunrise. He has a decision to make. 

He needs to make his move with Mingyu, or he needs to let him go.

Wonwoo ends up sending a photo of the sunrise to Mingyu.

The calendar on his wall glares at him. 1 week until they fly to Japan. Wonwoo’s been booked with work, but Mingyu wants to finalize the itinerary. Wonwoo agrees to a get together over dinner, to help with packing and to make any final decisions. Wonwoo’s palms are sweating, and he’s got a bottle of Rose in them, a hopeful peace offering for his distance since the holidays. Wonwoo is about to knock when someone opens it.

The man blinks, and Wonwoo blinks. 

The man is pretty, in a charming boy band kind of way, with cat eyes and pretty cupids bow lips, and he gives Wonwoo a small, nervous smile that seems to sparkle. “Uh, Mingyu, there’s someone at the door for you! I’ll text you… for next time.” The man gives Wonwoo a small apology and slips past him. 

Is that Kihyun?

Wonwoo does his best not to drop the bottle in his hands, or run away and throw up in a bush. 

“Shit, Wonu?” Mingyu’s hurrying to the door. “You’re early!” Mingyu greets, a nervous chuckle passing his lips.

“I uh- yeah, I got out early for once, I thought- I thought I’d come over. I didn’t- I didn’t realize you’d have someone over…”

“Oh he just- he uh…” Mingyu scratches the back of his neck, which makes Wonwoo notice the deep purple hickies poking out from under the collar of his v neck. 

“If you’re sleeping with other people that’s okay.” Wonwoo blurts, needing to avoid the whole awkwardness of it all. Mingyu is silent for a few moments, his eyes wide with shock. 

“It- it is?” Mingyu asks dumbly.

“Yeah, it’s fine!” Wonwoo laughs nervously. What the fuck is everyone so nervous for? “You’re a grown man- and I’ve been busy, so I haven’t really been- available or whatever… besides, we’re not- we’re not like, dating or anything?” Wonwoo didn’t mean for that to come out like a question. Shit, shit, shit, shit,  _ shit. _

“ _ Right. _ ” Wonwoo winces at the strain in Mingyu’s voice. He hurt him. Shit. “Well, come in. So we can plan the trip.” 

Wonwoo says nothing more, he simply obliges, guilt filling him once again. Wonwoo sits gingerly on the couch, feeling distinctly  _ wrong. _ Mingyu pulls out his laptop and a notebook and pulls up a few websites. “I searched a few things. There’s Tokyo Tower, and there are several hot springs around that we could attend. There’s also Disney, as cheesy as that is, and we could make a mini trip to Kyoto, and see the historic stuff. There’s also good nature and hiking in Kyoto.”

“Kyoto sounds pretty… And we could see the Tokyo Tower. I’d like those.” Wonwoo suggests. Mingyu nods and scribbles some stuff in the notebook, and then clicks a few tabs.

“Cost wise… Not super expensive. I, for one, really  _ really _ want to go to Disney.” Mingyu looks at Wonwoo. Wonwoo blinks. 

“Disney? Why? Isn’t that for little kids?”

Wrong answer. 

“I am  _ offended _ that you think Disney is a place just for children! It is a  _ beautiful _ ,  _ wholesome _ family experience! With  _ rollercoasters,  _ dammit!” Mingyu pouts. “Have you never seen the instagram worthy proposals? And the several activities that adults can actually participate in?! Like the makeovers and the late night fireworks and-” Mingyu gasps, when Wonwoo is still standing and looking unamused. “... have you ever even  _ seen  _ a Disney movie?!”

Wonwoo stares at Mingyu for a moment. “...Yes.”

“When?”

“Not since I was like… 13  _ at the oldest _ , okay, Mingyu? They’re animated children’s movies.” Wonwoo laughs and Mingyu’s face contorts with horror. 

“That’s it! We’re going to binge watch Disney movies every night until we leave. We can start now, and you can help me pack.” Mingyu says, promptly snatching the remote and pulling up Disney+.

They start off with a classic, the first ever, Disney film: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Mingyu even makes popcorn, and the two of them snuggle up on the couch, Mingyu’s empty suitcase sitting on the floor in the corner of the living room. Wonwoo manages to stay up until almost two in the morning, and they get through four whole movies, before he falls asleep with his head on Mingyu’s shoulder. 

By the day of the trip, the two of them have a solid itinerary planned, one that fits around Wonwoo’s work schedule and includes Mingyu’s trip to Disney (Wonwoo was on board when he was made aware of the fact that Disney owns Marvel and “there  _ might _ be some lame superhero nerd attractions that he’d like there,” as Mingyu had phrased them). Wonwoo, at three in the morning, is knocking on Mingyu’s door, to get him to drive to the airport.

Last time he knocked on Mingyu’s door, there was a sparkly smile man standing there covered with hickies and a mussed head of hair. Last time Wonwoo knocked on Mingyu’s door, his heart  _ ached.  _ Last time Wonwoo knocked on Mingyu’s door, Wonwoo found out Mingyu was sleeping with other people and it broke Wonwoo’s fucking heart all over again, no matter how much he pretended it didn’t. 

Wonwoo is in love with Mingyu, whether he likes it or not. 

Wonwoo is in love with Mingyu, whether Mingyu knows it or not. 

Wonwoo needs to get his shit together. 

He’s startled when the door opens, flashbacks of his horrible recurring nightmares playing through his head, but it’s just Mingyu standing there, keys in hand, suitcase in the other, a sleepy smile on his face and an oversized hoodie on his body. How the hell anything is oversized on him will be a mystery to Wonwoo, but he looks cozy and happy and Wonwoo wants to wrap him in a blanket and tuck him into bed, and protect him for forever. 

He’s fucking  _ soft _ .

“I’m ready!” Mingyu says before a yawn breaks from his mouth. 

“Alright, let’s go, yeah?” Wonwoo says, and Mingyu steps the rest of the way out of his apartment and shuts the light off and closes the door. Wonwoo walks side by side with Mingyu down the hallway, his hand itching to take hold of Mingyu’s as it keeps brushing his sleeve. His heart pounds, his mind races, and he finally shifts his arm slightly, trembling lightly. 

Wonwoo’s hand gently makes a grab for Mingyu’s, and Mingyu laces their fingers together, their arms intertwined like vines, and he rests his head on Wonwoo’s for the elevator ride down to the lobby of Mingyu’s building. 

Later that morning, Wonwoo has a business meeting, promptly at 10 am, only an hour after they arrive in Tokyo, and Wonwoo is exhausted from not sleeping, and the meeting drags on for almost two hours, which is ridiculous since it’s only supposed to be a briefing for the next week of Wonwoo’s work agenda. Wonwoo does his hardest to keep up, but everyone seems to notice his exhaustion. Luckily, Wonwoo’s secretary at the Japan branch is at the meeting, diligently writing every note down, organizing Wonwoo’s scrambled thoughts, and sorting it all out. He makes sure all bases are covered for Wonwoo’s itinerary over the next seven days, and the days he’ll need to meet up with everyone again to get ready for the product launch.

Finally they all agree to let him go, seeing he needs sleep, and thanking him for his time, and his help in ensuring a smooth product launch. Wonwoo gets back to the hotel room to find Mingyu in a fluffy white hotel robe, hair damp from a shower, munching on room service pizza. Wonwoo barely gets his belt off and the first button of his button down undone before he’s crawling into bed with Mingyu and curling up in his side. 

“Hey, wait, Woo, you need to eat something and take a shower before you nap, or you’ll feel all gross from the plane and stuff after you wake up. Woo, come on babe,” Mingyu says, pushing Wonwoo into an upright position. Wonwoo groans in protest, but Mingyu pushes a slice of pizza into his hand. 

“I’ll go start the water, okay? Oh, I know you didn’t get to do much exploring of our hotel room when we got here, but there’s a jacuzzi in the bathroom that we could maybe put to use,” Mingyu calls while Wonwoo takes a few bites of pizza. Wonwoo decides he likes that idea, until his gut twists in guilt and perhaps… jealousy?

“What about… that guy? From a couple of weeks ago… The one I ran into as I came over…?” Wonwoo dances around the subject of Mingyu’s potential sexual endeavors with the man. 

“Kihyun?” Mingyu asks, stopping dead in his tracks. He shakes his head. “No, Wonwoo, I- we just hooked up twice, I just- I had some… steam to blow off, okay? I promise there’s nothing serious with him, it’s just- just sex. I don’t even like him in that way.”

Wonwoo nods. “Okay. I just- I just wanted to make sure I’m not getting in the way of anything. If we were to… have sex. At any point in the future.”

“I’m not going to lie, Wonwoo, I don’t see myself getting with him again. He wants more than what I’m willing to give him and I can’t lead someone on like that.” Mingyu says. Wonwoo isn’t sure if it’s supposed to be as pointed as it comes out, but he sure as hell feels the sting. 

That was a direct hit at Wonwoo. Ouch. 

“Alright. I believe you.”

And so, Mingyu starts up the shower, and Wonwoo finishes the pizza in his hand, and stumbles to the bathroom. He pouts a little at Mingyu, who’s a bit more stiff and cold than he has been for a few days, but gets in the shower and makes quick work of this shower, only wanting to close his heavy eyes and sleep for a few hours. 

Which he does, putting on his comfiest sweatpants and crawling back into bed with Mingyu, who’s at least in that oversized hoodie once again.

Wonwoo is stirred when he feels someone lightly shaking him. 

“Woo… Hey, sleepy head, wake up. You took like a three hour nap, you have to get up. Come on, Wonu, let’s go do something. Please?” 

Wonwoo’s eyes flutter open to see Mingyu looking over at him, his arms around Wonwoo’s waist. “Oh, hi.” 

“Wanna go shopping? Or to the pool? Or both? Ooh, and then we can go to dinner!” Mingyu beams. Wonwoo chuckles and rubs his face, as if it would somehow wake him up more. 

“Yeah, okay. Let’s go to the pool after dinner and stuff though, less people will be there. Plus we’ll want to rinse off the chlorine and stuff.” Wonwoo sits up, stretching a little, and slips out of bed, looking for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Mingyu follows suit, putting jeans on with his giant hoodie, and the two of them are off. Wonwoo hesitates again, once they’re headed down the street, but he reaches for Mingyu’s hand again, fingertips vying for the attention of Mingyu’s, searching for his touch. Mingyu once again intertwines their fingers and he looks at Wonwoo with a smile, a soft one, that makes Wonwoo feel all gross and mushy inside. 

Mingyu pulls up maps on his phone, looking for a shopping district and if it’s within walking distance. Luckily it’s not far, only about a half a mile from their hotel, and they agree that they can walk. The two of them wander the little shops, stopping at a few boutiques and trying on cool clothes, sometimes trying on wild things and giggling at the other. Wonwoo piles on at least four separate scarves and oversized sunglasses, as well as a crazy hat. Mingyu laughs and puts on a neon orange jacket and bright blue bell bottom jeans, and nope, those pants do  _ not  _ need to be back in style, they both decide after they cry of laughter. 

The next shop is a little tourist-y, but Wonwoo gets a few things for his family, and Mingyu does as well. They enter a few more shops and talk about life and their jobs. Wonwoo explains his work schedule, and they decide which days would be better to possibly go to Kyoto, and which day to do Disney. They’re headed down the street away from the shops when the sun starts setting and Mingyu’s bottomless pit self complains he’s hungry.

Wonwoo stops dead in his tracks when they come across a cat cafe, and Mingyu raises an eyebrow. 

“Wait… Can we check this place out? We can get little baked goods or something? It’s a bit late for coffee… But it’s still open, it’s only four…” Wonwoo says, a bit nervous to even be  _ asking _ but he kind of loves cats.

“Cats. You want. To go pet. Cats?” Mingyu looks at him. Wonwoo’s face heats up, but he nods. “This is not a side I ever thought I’d see from you.  _ You, _ Mr. Jeon Wonwoo, bachelor and relationship not-doer, wants to go pet cats. I  _ love  _ that for you,” Mingyu laughs, and Wonwoo smiles a little. 

“I want a cat, actually, but… It kinda doesn’t fit with my bachelor thing. And when I come here, I don’t have anyone who would come watch it. I mean, I could always ask Soonyoung and Jihoon but I don’t know that I trust them to take care of a living creature for me. Not to mention they live on the other side of the city  _ and _ have pretty busy schedules.”

“I’ll come look after a cat for you. Cats are cute. Let’s go pet some cats and get some dessert, hey? Maybe some tea would be good.”

Wonwoo nods in agreement and the two of them head inside. The woman behind the counter greets them and invites them to sit wherever they’d like. Wonwoo looks around at the chairs, a few housing sleeping cats, and the little nook in by the window where several cats are lounging in the setting sunlight. Wonwoo goes over to a little couch and has a seat, looking over the menu. There’s a few workers going around and checking the water dishes and such, giving the kitties little scratches as they pass them, rising a few of them from their slumbers. 

Mingyu hasn’t sat yet, instead he’s peering into the little cat tree next to them, cooing at the cats. Wonwoo grins at him, adoring his attempt to coax the cat inside the cubby to come out. “Gyu, come sit. It’ll come out when it’s ready.” Wonwoo giggles a little. Shit, he fucking  _ giggles. _ Mingyu turns to him and pouts at him, but takes a seat, looking over the page with the cats names and pictures, and a few facts about their personalities. 

“I think the one in the tree is Penelope? It says she’s a gray tabby and she’s shy, and pretends she doesn’t like the other cats or people, but she finds people she likes and she’s really affectionate. How cute,” Mingyu coos. 

“Mingyu, here comes one,” Wonwoo points out a black kitty with white paws that’s confidently striding over to the two of them and their spot on the couch. He meows loudly and jumps up into Mingyu’s lap, and then paws at his stomach, making Mingyu lean back against the back of the couch. The cat climbs up the plane of Mingyu’s torso and sniffs his cheek, before meowing loudly a second time and butting his head against Mingyu’s cheek. 

“Oh, hi there!” Mingyu giggles and reaches up to pet the cat. Wonwoo takes the booklet of cats, and searches for his photo to figure out his name. 

“This is… Kiwi?” Wonwoo reads the name and then laughs a little. It’s a strange name, but on the profile, Kiwi appears to be a rather strange cat. He apparently likes to steal fruit off of customer’s pastries, and was found in a supermarket as a baby, near a kiwi stand. “It says he’s highly affectionate and demanding.”

“He certainly is!” Mingyu laughs as the cat rubs his face all over Mingyu and purrs loudly at behind the ear scratches. A server comes over, asking if they know what they’d like to drink, and Wonwoo gets a soothing honey tea, and Mingyu gets a refreshing green tea. Two more cats come over, and Wonwoo finds the basket of toys under the side table, and gets out a string toy, dangling it in front of the cats. 

“The orange tabby is Peaches, and the patchy cat is Marble.” Mingyu reads from the booklet. A few other customers come in and pet the cats that are sunbathing, and then sit across the restaurant from them. Wonwoo plays with the cats for a few minutes, and Kiwi leaves Mingyu to greet the new people. A white cat comes over, who they discover is named Turtle, because she likes to hide and to sleep under blankets. 

Their tea arrives and they both sip it slowly, busy petting cats and playing with cat toys and giggling at the cats. A few cats climb on the wall furniture that’s been built for them, knocking little toys off the platforms, making Mingyu laugh. Their tea is almost cold by the time they’re almost finished with it, and the cats are all more interested in eating their dinner. 

Except one, who’s finally slinking out of the cat tree.

“Look, Wonu, it’s Penelope!” Mingyu whisper yells. Wonwoo giggles a little, and the cat stops in her tracks and sits across from Wonwoo, staring at him, as if sizing him up. 

“I’m feeling a little nervous. Why is she looking at me?” Wonwoo whispers back. 

And then she starts walking towards him, and she jumps into his lap with a little chirping sound, and butting her head against his hand. Wonwoo pets her gently, giving her little chin rubs and running his fingers through her fur. Penelope purrs happily and curls up in his lap for a little while. 

“Looks like I’ll have to leave you here,” Mingyu laughs softly.

“No, I’m sure she’ll get up when she wants food. You should go order a few pastries for us for dessert. I can give you my card,” Wonwoo suggests. Mingyu shakes his head. 

“It’s okay. I’m making you pay for pretty much the rest of the trip, the least I can do is get us a few cakes and pay for tea,” he smiles. Wonwoo blushes, for some stupid reason, but smiles back and agrees to let him pay. Penelope purrs away in his lap for a little bit more, until a little bell chimes and she stretches and looks at Wonwoo, before she leans in and presses her nose to his cheekbone. And then she’s jumping down, to go get some food. 

Wonwoo stands and heads over to Mingyu, who’s got a bag of pastries in one hand and is saying goodbye to the kitties with the other. Wonwoo waves goodbye to the cats and the two of them step out, agreeing to find somewhere with actual dinner food for Mingyu, since they did spend almost two hours petting cats. 

They go somewhere small, a mom and dad kind of restaurant, that serves wonderful traditional Japanese food, and Wonwoo and Mingyu both order a little of everything and laugh and have a few drinks while they eat their dinner, and they bring a bag of leftovers back to the hotel room. Wonwoo, still exhausted and his stomach full from dinner, collapses onto the bed almost a soon as they get in the door, but his ‘rest’ is short lived, because Mingyu pounces on him, sitting in his lap and running his hands along Wonwoo’s sides. 

Wonwoo cracks open an eye. “Can I help you?” He giggles a little, and Mingyu absolutely beams at him. 

“I want to go to the pool.”

“So then go to the pool.”

“No, I want you to come with me,” Mingyu whines. Wonwoo groans. 

“Gyu, why?” Wonwoo whines right back. 

“Cause it won’t be fun to go alone,” Mingyu pouts. “Plus no one is going to be there at this hour so we could have the whole thing all to ourselves. Please, Wonu?”

Wonwoo stares in disbelief as Mingyu whips out the big, watery, puppy eyes of his, the ones that he apparently has hidden in all the months they’ve known each other, or maybe he’s just never had to give to Wonwoo before because Wonwoo caves to just about his every whim. He lasts for approximately three seconds more before he’s throwing his head back against the bed with a groan.

“Ugh, fine, you win. I’ll drag my skinny ass to the pool with you.” Wonwoo pretends it’s a begrudging task, and Mingyu jumps off of him and dances around the room. 

“Yay!” Mingyu says, running to his suitcase to grab his swimsuit and hurrying to the bathroom. Wonwoo sits up and slides off the bed and over to his own suitcase, grabbing the swimsuit he brought for himself and the old black t-shirt to wear over it. He changes quickly, and Mingyu emerges a moment later, looking like a tan, toned, god of a man, as per usual. Wonwoo’s eyes travel along the planes of his body, drinking it all in. 

“Why are you built like that?” Wonwoo whines. “I look like the ghost of a toothpick next to you.”

Mingyu pouts at him. “I think you’re cute, Wonu! Don’t be sad. Come on, let’s go to the pool!” Mingyu grabs Wonwoo’s hand and tugs him towards the door, ignoring Wonwoo sputtering about being called ‘cute’ by this overexcited giant puppy of a man. He makes sure he grabs their room card and then drags Wonwoo to the elevator and plants a giant kiss on his cheek while they wait for it. 

The pool room is warm and humid, and the pool is inviting and blissfully empty. There’s an older couple in the hot tub, but other than that the whole place is empty. Mingyu snatches two towels off the rack and tosses them on a chair with the key card, and then proceeds to shove Wonwoo into the pool. Wonwoo about screams when the cold water envelopes his body, and instead calls Mingyu some very rude names, something along the lines of ‘you sneaky asshole, you little bitch, how could you do that, you fucking asshead’ and Mingyu just laughs and cannonballs into the pool beside him. 

Wonwoo proceeds to pout, angry that he was bamboozled that easily. So instead, he has the genius plan to get revenge. Mingyu has barely surfaced and Wonwoo is splashing him aggressively, making Mingyu laugh and splash him back. Wonwoo swims away, cursing his backfired plan. And Mingyu chases him, making Wonwoo shout. In the shallow end, they’re fine, just sort of running through the water as best as they can, and Wonwoo doesn’t realize he’s making his way to the deep end until his foot slips from under him and he’s got no tile under him. Which means he’s got to start swimming frantically to try and get away from Mingyu.

Mingyu, however, is both longer and stronger than Wonwoo, so there’s no escape. Mingyu is tackling him, bringing them both under. He promptly lets go, so as not to drown the both of them, and surfaces, giggling. Wonwoo glares at him like a cat that got it’s feet wet. Which, he kind of did, but a lot more than his feet. The older couple is leaving now, leaving the whole pool area to the two of them. Mingyu grabs his hand and tugs him, pouting. 

“Race you to the other end!” Mingyu cheers and Wonwoo groans, knowing there’s no way in hell he’s going to win, but he tries anyways. Of course, Mingyu wins whatever this competition is,  _ again _ , and Wonwoo splashes him again once, and then heads for the ladder, pouting, but Mingyu is grabbing him around the waist and pulling him back in. 

“One more lap?”

And fuck, there’s those damn puppy eyes of his, eyes that he has never needed to use on Wonwoo, but apparently tonight he’s weaponizing them, and Wonwoo is giving in again, getting his ass whooped in another swimming pool race. He’s not exhausted yet, since about his only focus at the gym is cardio, but he’s tired of  _ losing _ , dammit, so when Mingyu is beaming at him from the wall of the pool, while Wonwoo pathetically doggie paddles towards him, he doesn’t move a muscle when Mingyu shouts ‘last one to the other end is a rotten egg,’ and instead just starts trying to drag his sorry ass out of the pool. 

It’s not quite successful.

At all. 

Wonwoo’s scrawny arms trying to pull his whole sopping wet body weight  _ and  _ his soggy shirt and swim trunks out of the pool is highly unsuccessful. 

Until he gets just the right angle and manages to hoist himself out, flopping onto the tile of the poolroom floor with a soggy plop. He half rolls the rest of the way onto the tile, cold air rushing to meet his skin. He gets his legs out, and then rolls to the side, laying on the floor for a moment, shivering after that little moment out of the water, and sits up, to where Mingyu is laughing at the other end of the pool. Wonwoo glares at him, hugging his knees to his chest and shivering. Mingyu begins swimming towards him, gliding through the water like a fish. 

“Sorry for looking like a drowned rat getting out of the pool, ass.” Wonwoo grumbles. 

“I was thinking more like a soggy kitten,” Mingyu laughs. 

“It’s freezing, I’m getting in the hot tub,” Wonwoo pouts, standing and making his way to the hot tub, his swim trunks sticking to his skin uncomfortably. Mingyu whistles and Wonwoo flips him off. Mingyu laughs and Wonwoo can hear him shifting to get out of the pool. Wonwoo refuses to look.

Except he does, and he gets to see every one of Mingyu’s muscles flex as he pulls himself out, looking akin to a fucking model at a swimsuit shoot, and Wonwoo  _ loves it  _ (but hates it in a jealous sort of way, so he tears his eyes away quickly). Wonwoo pushes the button for the jets aggressively, and steps down into the hot tub, sinking in and feeling all tension leave the muscles in his shoulders. 

“Sore loser, Wonu?” Mingyu raises an eyebrow and slips into the tub with him. He sits close to Wonwoo, a little smirk on his lips. 

“Well sorry we aren’t golden children like you,” Wonwoo snaps. He doesn’t mean for it to come out as venomous as it does, but Mingyu coos beside him, leaning his head on Wonwoo’s shoulder.

“Come on, I’m not perfect, Woo.”

Wonwoo just shuts his eyes and leans his head back against the tile behind him with a sigh. “You are. You’re perfect to a fault, and it’s not fair.” 

“Hey, Wonu…” 

Wonwoo hears Mingyu shift beside him, but he doesn’t crack an eyelid. 

“Don’t ‘hey now’ me, okay? Jesus, Mingyu, you’re beautiful and funny and  _ caring _ , and- there’s not a goddamn thing you can’t do, and don’t pull the math or dancing crap because  _ nobody _ can do that unless they’re like. Trained or some shit. I don’t know,” Wonwoo can feel tears stinging behind his eyelids. “That’s beside the point, I just- you’re so-  _ you _ , Mingyu, and you’re like this god of a human being, and I don’t know  _ why _ you keep me around, because- because I can’t ever amount to anything in comparison to you. I’m fucked up, Mingyu, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry you have to put up with me, and- and my stupid attitude, and my- my emotional unavailability, and my pushing you away-”

“Wonwoo,  _ stop _ .” Mingyu’s voice is firm, and louder than Wonwoo’s own, and it brings him to an abrupt stop. “Shit, Wonwoo, why- why do you think so poorly of yourself? Clearly I wouldn’t keep you around if I didn’t want to put up with you and everything that comes with you if I didn’t like you. And fuck, Wonwoo, if you don’t think you’re drop dead fucking gorgeous then you’re blind. I know  _ so  _ many men that would kill to look like you. And you’re intelligent and you’re hard working, and you’re just as funny as I am, if not more. You just  _ suck _ at opening up to people, and that’s okay. Because you have your reasons. And I have faith that you’ll let me in on that some day, so you don’t have to suffer alone.”

That’s it, that’s the fucking dam breaking. His chest shakes and the tears slip down his cheeks, and he shakes his head. Mingyu sighs and pulls him close, arms enveloping Wonwoo, while Wonwoo rests his head against Mingyu’s shoulder, his own shaking while he takes shuddery, stupid, crying breaths. 

Fuck, Wonwoo hates crying. 

But it feels good, for once. To cry and not feel absolutely unjustified, to cry and be held, to cry and not have it be from panicking, to even have the urge to cry and not have the urge to run away. It feels absolutely blissful to just  _ cry _ , and be able to turn to someone for comfort. 

Something he never did with Minghao. 

Something he couldn’t bring himself to do in front of Minghao. Something that terrified him, something that his high-strung, pre-horrible downward spiral brain couldn’t handle thinking about. Showing something other than contentment, showing something that could possibly push someone away, showing something that could affect how someone else saw him. 

Wonwoo’s heart feels lighter, at that realization. That Minghao never even saw the real him, the ugly side of him (and he didn’t mean the morning breath or the awful bedhead, or the stupid haircuts), the raw, uncut, broken side of him. Minghao never saw him a wreck, even if inside he was crashing and burning. 

And suddenly, for the first time in years, Wonwoo is  _ glad _ that Minghao never got to see it, and he’s  _ glad _ that he didn’t marry Minghao, because he doesn’t know if he ever would have been able to show that side of himself, and he would have burnt himself out trying to hide it for the rest of his life. 

“You feel better, Woo?” Mingyu’s voice is soft, and Wonwoo realizes he’s not crying anymore. Wonwoo nods, but leaves his head on Mingyu’s shoulder for a few more minutes, and then takes a deep breath, feeling the warmth of the hot tub and Mingyu beside him, and his muscles untense. He shifts a little, moving out of the grip Mingyu has on him, and leaning back against the hot tub wall. 

“I’m okay. I’ll be okay,” Wonwoo says softly. Mingyu’s hand finds his in the water, tangling their fingers together. They sit for a few minutes, Wonwoo somewhere between staring at the wall while the water works its magic on his body, or closing his eyes and focusing on the lightness in his chest that hasn’t been there in a long, long time. 

He hears Mingyu shifting again, and the gentlest touch on his jaw makes his eyelids flutter, and he opens his eyes to see Mingyu staring at him, eyes flooded with a mixed rush of emotion. Concern, desire, comfort, and something that he’s not seen in anyone’s eyes outside of Mingyu’s own soft ones in a long, long time. Tenderness. Caring, genuine, fond, and so incredibly  _ soft. _ The warm, gentle, watered down tones of ‘I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, and I care that you’re okay,’ but the same fuzzy, heart racing, wonder feeling, that you get when someone says ‘I love you.’

Three words Wonwoo hasn’t uttered in forever. 

Three words he’s not sure he’ll ever hear Mingyu say. 

Three words that Mingyu’s eyes are saying, but his mouth isn’t. 

Three words that Wonwoo wants to hear in a different context, in a context of  _ love _ , not ‘you’re my friend and I want to be by your side for a lifetime, companions and partners in crime, because we’re one another’s side kicks, and always know what the other needs.’ The kind of love that you choose, but isn’t quite the kind of love that makes you want a home together, or put a ring on, or make love to. 

But that’s what Wonwoo wants, and it’s not something he’s wanted in a long, long time. 

And shit, Mingyu’s eyes aren’t even on his anymore, they’re on Wonwoo’s lips, and the touches on his face are more pressing, and Wonwoo can feel his own eyes closing again, and Mingyu’s lips are on his now, but just barely, brushing over his in a ghost of a kiss, one that’s unsure and hesitant.

Wonwoo presses his lips into Mingyu’s just a bit, the light green, wanting Mingyu to just  _ go,  _ to start it off, to lead him down whatever path Mingyu chooses. Mingyu does, pressing his lips to Wonwoo’s just a bit more urgently, in a real, plausible, present kiss. Wonwoo deepens it, his hands coming up out of the water to tangle in Mingyu’s wet hair, pressing him closer, tilting his head just slightly. Mingyu drinks in the new angle, his mouth opening for something more hot and wet. His tongue writes a song in Wonwoo’s mouth, one of desire and tenderness and heat, but it’s a slow work, one that whispers  _ love _ in between it’s lines, but one that won’t say it explicitly. 

Wonwoo was never good at reading between the lines, and any chance of him doing so is gone from his brain the moment that Mingyu’s hand is slipping up under his soaking wet t-shirt, and ghosting over every inch of his skin. The hot water makes his touch feel complete, though, holding his body in a gentle, flowing, wet hug, Mingyu’s hand just a gentle pressure point against Wonwoo’s skin, like an extension of the water’s touch, the two of them making Wonwoo shiver, his body vying for more attention from Mingyu. 

Mingyu’s the one pulling away, leaving Wonwoo’s body feeling cold suddenly, despite the warmth of the water surrounding them. “Let’s take this upstairs, yeah?” Mingyu’s breathless, his voice soft and barely audible over the flow of the water. Wonwoo, while not against never leaving the relaxing holds of the hot tub, agrees, because that’s just the decent thing to do in a foreign hotel’s public hot tub. They climb out, Wonwoo shucking his shirt aside, since after a short elevator ride it would be on the bathroom floor anyways, and wraps his towel tightly around his body, shivering at the contrast from the heat of the tub and the air in the pool room. Mingyu grabs his own towel and the key card, and the two of them are on their way to the hotel room, Wonwoo shivering as they exit the pool room. 

Mingyu runs them a hot shower just before they start making out again, Wonwoo sitting on the bathroom counter, his legs around Mingyu’s waist, locking him in, though not out of desperation. Mingyu breaks them apart so they can stumble to the shower, Mingyu refusing to kiss Wonwoo until he’d at least gotten something done in this shower. 

Which was stupidly, washing the chlorine from their skin.

Or perhaps it was pure genius. 

He knew every spot that Wonwoo liked, and he knew just how to touch them, his soapy hands gliding easily over Wonwoo’s wet skin. Wonwoo whines about a kiss, and once they’re both rinsed, Mingyu dives for the kiss, his hands on Wonwoo’s lower back, holding him up when his knees feel like jelly, when Mingyu’s kiss sends that crazy warmth all through his body. Mingyu’s hands don’t stay there long, gliding over the bend of Wonwoo’s tiny ass, before his fingers start massaging at Wonwoo’s entrance. Wonwoo moans, his brain in overdrive, between being jet lagged, and crying, and this hot shock of pure arousal pumping through his system, his brain just floats away, not thinking about anything other than Mingyu’s hands all over his body, and his tongue in Wonwoo’s mouth. 

His brain is wired on Mingyu, just a mantra of Wonwoo chanting to the beat of his racing heart, like his name had been there all along, carved into Wonwoo’s weak, sad, heart. It’s a song of it’s own, beautiful and strong, and it renews the cracks and the hurt along it, with a melody of gold, and verses made of love.

He lets out a breathy ‘Mingyu,’ as two of his fingers are opening him up, slow and steady, and holy hell, if Wonwoo ever thought he and Mingyu had ‘made love’ in the past, that was nothing compared to this. It’s sensual, and sexy, and it’s nothing like Wonwoo had  _ ever  _ gotten from Minghao or any one of those hookups he spent years of his life going through, something he’d searched for for  _ forever _ , it seems, as if his soul had been deprived of this kind of love for eons. 

Except it’s here, before him, and Mingyu’s holding him against his chest, his mouth murmuring the words ‘you ready?’ and Wonwoo a whining mess at the three fingers pumping in and out of him, and Wonwoo gasps out a ‘yes, please, fuck, Mingyu’ before Mingyu’s fingers slip out of him for a final time, and he’s lining himself up, Mingyu’s chest pressed into Wonwoo’s shoulders, his arms holding him as close as they can.

Wonwoo suddenly realizes the way his dick is throbbing, aching for attention, but Wonwoo is leaning forward against the wall when Mingyu slides into him, moaning loudly at the feeling of being so full, fuller than he’s been in months. Mingyu waits for the go ahead, and he’s sliding in and out of Wonwoo with ease, at a pace that’s not agonizingly slow, but nothing like their desperate hookups before. Wonwoo revels in the feeling, the way Mingyu’s hands still know where to hold and grab and squeeze just enough to keep him feeling the best kind of overwhelmed. Wonwoo’s own hands go down to wrap around his own dick, tugging at the same pace as Mingyu’s thrusting into him.

Mingyu’s not exactly being quiet himself, Wonwoo’s name tumbling from his lips in moans, nothing pumping through his veins except for Wonwoo, like they’re uniting, melting into one another like the blurred lines of a painting, the two of them art, their naked, wet bodies gliding together and fitting perfectly together, like something unreal. 

Wonwoo is close, he can feel that tightening heat deep in his belly, his body shaking with the feeling, as it builds and fills him up, before he’s hitting his orgasm at a blinding force, Mingyu’s name tumbling from his lips once more. Mingyu rides out his own, thrusting into Wonwoo for a few seconds more before his own strikes him, making his hips stutter. Wonwoo’s body is shaking with overstimulation, and his knees are wobbly with exhaustion. They stand there for a few minutes letting their breathing return to normal, Wonwoo half leaning on the wall, and half being held up by Mingyu. 

Mingyu is sure to wash them both quickly, massaging shampoo through a half awake Wonwoo’s hair, and drying them both in the fluffiest towels, gently rubbing at Wonwoo’s curly hair, making sure he takes his contacts out, and brushes his teeth. Neither of them bother putting anything on, instead opting to just collapse into bed. 

Wonwoo’s half open eyes gaze at Mingyu’s own exhausted face, and even in the haze of sleep, Wonwoo’s heart is beating out the words ‘I love you’ to Mingyu, but his mouth won’t move to say it. 

The next morning is an early one, for Wonwoo anyways, and he’s thrown into meetings and design concepts and general work chaos, and he wants none of it. His heart aches to be back with Mingyu, wrapped in his strong embrace, while they snooze on and off all day and surf the channels of wild Japanese game shows, getting handsy with each other, and ordering room service. Mingyu texts him around lunch time, saying he just woke up to shower and then to ask if he wanted to go out for dinner tonight, sending him a few higher end restaurants and some little traditional Japanese ones. 

Wonwoo gets lost in looking at them all, not realizing his desk phone is ringing, summoning him to yet another meeting. Instead, he looks carefully at each one, debating what his best option is, until someone knocks on his office door and he snaps his head up, eyes wide with shock, and his assistant is frantically telling him he’s a whole ten minutes late. Wonwoo stares at the uneaten lunch on his desk, and quickly hurries after her. He apologizes profusely, blaming it on jet lag and a headache, and sits in on the next meeting. 

Wonwoo reserves them a table at the fanciest restaurant for the night, some place high end and romantic, and the second he’s back at the hotel, he’s walking as fast as he can to see Mingyu again. Only Mingyu isn’t in the room sprawled on a bed, and Wonwoo’s brows furrow. Where the hell- the bathroom door is open, the lights are off, so he’s not in there. The curtains to the balcony are open, and there’s no one out there either. There’s no note anywhere in the room, Mingyu’s shoes are gone, his suitcase isn’t lying open at the foot of the bed, none of his clothes are anywhere to be found, Mingyu is  _ gone. _

That panic rises in Wonwoo’s chest again. 

That same panic that he felt the day that Minghao didn’t show up at the altar, that same day that Minghao abandoned him, and their dreams, and took Wonwoo’s heart with him. 

And now Mingyu has gone, and he’s left Wonwoo in Japan, and taken Wonwoo’s heart with him. It’s an all too familiar feeling, the one that makes him feel cold and empty inside, and made him bitter for years. A feeling that he decided he couldn’t put up with anymore, and he finally felt disappearing with Mingyu. But now Mingyu has disappeared and it’s hitting him like a wave, and he’s remembering those early days, and why he kept Mingyu at arm’s length, because he couldn’t let that feeling come back and  _ hurt  _ him like this. 

Wonwoo’s spiralling. His knees are weak, his chest is heaving, tears are pricking at the backs of his eyes, threatening him with stinging salt. Wonwoo lets his knees give in, and he sinks to the ground, hands reaching up to claw at his hair, his knees hugged to his chest. He’s alone again, and maybe that’s how it was meant to be. He can’t seem to do anything right anyways, he can’t seem to make anyone happy, he just  _ fucks up _ , because  _ he’s _ fucked up. 

He doesn’t hear the beep of the key card in the door, or the sound of it opening, but he startles when it shuts. “Wonu? Oh my god, Wonwoo, what- what’s going on what’s wrong?”

And there he is. 

Kim Mingyu, running over to crouch in front of him. Running over to hold him. Wonwoo’s mouth won’t say the words he wants to, it won’t talk about how he thought Mingyu was cruel enough to leave him behind, it won’t tell him about how Minghao left him all those years ago, and it certainly won’t tell him how he spent years alone, until Mingyu came along and Wonwoo let him in, trusting someone with his heart and body and soul again for the first time ever. 

Wonwoo just chokes on the tears streaming down his face and Mingyu clings to him, holding him tight to his chest and whispering soothing words into his hair. It’s embarrassing, really, how often he cries in front of Mingyu. He calms down, soothed by the fact that Mingyu is here, he’s back and he’s tangible, and he never left Wonwoo in the first place, maybe. 

“Want to talk about what happened?” Mingyu’s voice is gentle, like the first rays of spring sun on your face, gently caressing the cold away, the first warmth in months of cold and dark. 

“I thought you were gone…” Wonwoo barely whispers. MIngyu shakes his head and hugs him tighter. 

“No, Wonu, I- I just went for a walk, honey. I got some more souvenirs and explored the city a little. I wouldn’t leave you. I would have come back earlier if I knew you were going to be home earlier than like, 5.” 

“I just- your suitcase wasn’t there and I-” Wonwoo feels the words sticking in his throat. The ones about Minghao, and the last time he was left. Mingyu deserves to know. Mingyu is  _ here, _ Mingyu has  _ been  _ here. “I’ve been left before.” Wonwoo’s voice is barely audible, but Mingyu is close enough to hear him, and he just squeezes Wonwoo a little tighter. 

“Well I’m not going anywhere. I promise you.” 

Wonwoo feels the empty inside him dissipating, and Mingyu’s warmth surging back through him. And so, they sit like that for a long while, in silence, while Wonwoo gathers the words to say. 

“How many meetings do you have tomorrow?” Mingyu is the first one to speak again, interrupting Wonwoo’s train of thought. 

“Uh… None, actually. I sorted a lot out today. I have a few more meetings on Friday, but I don’t actually have to be in the office otherwise.”

“Then we should do Disney tomorrow,” Mingyu suggests. Wonwoo stares for a moment and then nods. “Okay.”

They agree to order in from room service, because even if Wonwoo wants to take him to some insane high end restaurant, Mingyu says they should stay in and just lay, and Wonwoo is too emotionally and mentally exhausted to argue, after today. They head to bed early for the night, wrapped up in hotel sheets and a tangle of warm limbs, snoring softly. 

Mingyu is absolutely  _ bouncing _ the next morning, already dressed and ready to go before Wonwoo’s alarm even goes off at 8. Wonwoo barely hits snooze before Mingyu is pouncing on him, nuzzling his face into Wonwoo’s neck and pleading him to get up. He’s the most oversized rambunctious puppy that Wonwoo has ever met. 

“Gyu, oh my god, five more minutes…” Wonwoo whines. 

“But we’re going to  _ Disney _ , Wonu! Pleeeeeease get up!” Mingyu whines right back, bouncing up and down. Wonwoo groans. 

“I promise I’ll get up in five minutes…” Wonwoo half cries. Mornings are not his thing.

Mingyu pouts. “But Wonu…”

Wonwoo looks at him, and  _ shit _ , he’s pulling the damn puppy eyes again! Wonwoo pouts back instead, not willing to give in this early in the morning. Especially since it’s his morning off. 

Mingyu huffs. “Fine. Five more minutes, but you  _ have  _ to let me snuggle with you for the whole five minutes.”

Wonwoo raises a brow and laughs sleepily. “Okay? Why would I  _ ever _ deny getting to lay with the most wonderful oversized puppy of a man on the planet?” Wonwoo opens his arms and Mingyu beams and snuggles up to Wonwoo, laying mostly on top of him. Wonwoo doesn’t mind, though, because Mingyu is warm, and comforting, and he’s practically lulled back into sleep in thirty seconds. 

Mingyu ends up giving him an extra twenty minutes, before shooing him out of bed and into the shower. He’s ready in a half an hour, and they’re still out the door before 9, just like Mingyu had wanted. Mingyu is practically vibrating, he’s so excited, and Wonwoo swears he’s taking care of a child, and not going to Disney with his boyfriend- well, boyfriend-thing. Wonwoo doesn’t really know what they are or aren’t at this point. 

But Wonwoo knows they aren’t just friends.

Mingyu pouts for the whole train ride there (where there’s hardly any standing room because it’s morning rush on a  _ Wednesday,  _ yikes) because he insists that it’s going to be too long, but they’re there in an hour and a half, and the train clears most of the way out by the time they get there, so they’re not quite packed like sardines. They buy their tickets at the gates and Mingyu is asking for photos by everything, bouncing from one thing to the next like a hummingbird going from flower to flower, wings flapping at an insane speed. 

Wonwoo finally has to tell him to stop  _ running _ everywhere and slow down and wait for him, laughing as not to upset him, because he apologizes for being excited, and Wonwoo doesn’t want that. He loves seeing Mingyu so freaking  _ happy _ but Wonwoo can’t seem to find the energy to match his.

“Don’t apologize, Gyu. It’s cute, how excited you are. I’m just having a hard time keeping up, is all. I’m an old man in a barely thirty year old body.” Wonwoo laughs and kisses Mingyu’s nose, loving the way his cheeks get pink, and then they walk to get their bag checked at security. Mingyu grabs a map and starts pointing out his entire itinerary and all the things he wants to do, in all the different sections of the park, and Wonwoo just follows along with it, unsure of anything they even have here.

Mingyu manages to drag him on a few rollercoasters throughout the day, though they’re not Wonwoo’s thing, and of course, Mingyu wants photos with some of the characters, so Wonwoo is a personal photographer for the day, giggling at how excited Mingyu is to see Flynn Ryder and Rapunzel, and Peter Pan, and how he wants loads of sweets from different stands. Wonwoo buys him anything. His bank account isn’t even close to hurting over this, and  _ shit _ he wants to spoil Mingyu, because he fucking deserves it. 

He deserves everything, and Wonwoo wants to give him as much of it as he can, because he’s been there, and seen the worst of Wonwoo, and helped Wonwoo so much. Mingyu should get that at least, since Wonwoo can’t seem to just hand his stupid hurt heart over. Not that Mingyu would want it anyways. 

Wonwoo is just taking it all in, looking around at all the park’s attractions, in awe of how huge the place is, as they wander for hours, going on all sorts of rides that Wonwoo would  _ never _ go on, because he does not do rides, all for the man holding his hand, tugging him around the park. Mingyu stops for more photos, this time wanting Wonwoo to join the photos, the ones with Ariel, since that’s one of the movies they watched together and Wonwoo had Part of Your World stuck in his head for three whole days after, and then get a picture with the old man and Russel from Up, even though Wonwoo hasn’t seen it. 

Mingyu insists on them getting that photo together, because ‘Wonwoo, you remind me of the old man’ though Wonwoo doesn’t understand the reference, he agrees to Mingyu’s request, because he’s stupid and in love. He makes a mental note to look the movie up later. They stay at the park well past dinner, choosing to split some insane fried amusement park food. Soon, the last of the rides are shutting off, and people are mulling about the gift shops, and Mingyu is picking out magnets for his mom and sister, and a stuffed black cat, which he says looks like Wonwoo. Wonwoo laughs at that and finds a brown dog, insisting that it’s Mingyu. 

“That’s Dug! He’s the dog in the movie with the old man I told you about.”

“I need to watch this, apparently,” Wonwoo laughs. Wonwoo picks out magnets for his mom and brother too, following suit after Mingyu, and gets stuffed animals for Soonyoung and Jihoon. Soonyoung insists on a tiger, to which Jihoon yelled at him for, when Wonwoo video called them. Jihoon says not to get him a stuffed animal, but Soonyoung whispers something about getting him the purple cat from Alice in Wonderland. So Wonwoo does, and he and Mingyu pay. Wonwoo buys a photo frame, with plans to print the photos from their trip and put them in it, though he doesn’t say as much to Mingyu, just saying it’s for his mom.

They walk outside with their bags of goodies, just as the first explosion goes off. Wonwoo jumps at least a foot in the air, out of pure surprise at the sound, and Mingyu just giggles at him. “It’s their nightly fireworks! Come on, let’s watch them!” Mingyu tugs him towards a bench, and they sit, watching the fireworks for the next half an hour or so, ooh-ing and ah-ing at them, and talking about life. 

By the time they get back on the train back to their hotel, Mingyu’s eyes are closing, his head falling on Wonwoo’s shoulder, and the hour train ride seems much shorter than the ride there. Wonwoo gently shakes him awake, and the two of them get off the train and walking the rest of the way to the hotel from the train station. Wonwoo kicks his shoes off before they’re hardly through the door, and grabs his (or maybe it’s Mingyu’s, it appeared in his dirty laundry months ago when Mingyu was a frequent visitor at his house) shirt, and goes to the bathroom to get ready for bed. 

And then he spots the jacuzzi in the corner of the room, and all he can think about is slipping into it and  _ relaxing _ for a little bit. So, he starts the water up, brushing his teeth and washing up in the shower quick while it fills, and once it’s full, and he’s rinsed the soap and amusement park grime from his body, he shuts the water off, turns on the jets, and slips in, sighing as the hot water greets his sore muscles. He’s not sure how long he’s there for, but it can’t be more than five minutes, before Mingyu is poking his head in. 

“The jacuzzi tub?! You could have told me!”

Wonwoo smiles but doesn’t crack an eyelid. “Come join me. Just wash the gross off first. I don’t like sitting in dirty water.”

Mingyu obliges, giving his body a quick wash in the shower and then hurrying to slip in beside Wonwoo. Wonwoo sighs contentedly, and doesn’t know when he falls asleep, but its blissful. Some part of him remembers waking up enough for Mingyu to pull him out of the cold water, and gently towel him down, and stick a toothbrush in his mouth. He doesn’t remember falling into bed, or nuzzling up to Mingyu, but it was bound to happen anyways.  **With a sigh, he sleeps soundly, wrapped in the arms of the one he loves.**


	2. I'm Crying Cause I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wonwoo has a fateful encounter. He finally tells Mingyu something important, but misses out on a lot of Mingyu's feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my schedule is a few days behind, but here's the next chapter! Third (and maybe final) chapter is next! Enjoy!

The next morning, Wonwoo is swept away to work again, in a whirlwind of meetings and quick texts to Mingyu, who is apparently walking the city this morning, and then he plans to go to a spa for the afternoon. Wonwoo promises him the fancy dinner they missed the other night, as well as a trip to the Tokyo Tower that he planned on his work break. 

When he gets back to the hotel, Mingyu is stepping out of the bathroom, hair slicked back, in a smoky gray button down and black dress pants that hug everything just right. Wonwoo swears he’s drooling. Mingyu catches his eye and smirks, and Wonwoo notices the smudge of eyeliner at the corners of his eyes, making them look darker, and sexier. 

“How was work?” Mingyu asks, but Wonwoo is too busy drinking in every inch of him. Mingyu laughs, and Wonwoo can see the top three buttons are undone, revealing an expanse of golden man tiddies and a thin chain dangling between them. Wonwoo swears he’s not brain dead. Mingyu waving at him draws his attention back to reality. “What, do I look  _ that _ good?”

Wonwoo can only nod numbly and Mingyu laughs, but pulls him into his arms and kisses his forehead. “Go change, yeah? Our reservation is soon.” Mingyu says softly, sending Wonwoo hurrying to get dressed.

They arrive at the restaurant and order a bottle of chardonnay to split between the two of them, and get the expensive items on the menu, enjoying the dim lighting and the flickering candle light (even if they are faux candles) and laugh quietly with one another, chatting softly. Soft music swims in Wonwoo’s ears, mixing in with Mingyu’s laughter, and Wonwoo can’t believe just how gorgeous Mingyu looks, his skin golden and glowing in the soft light from the candles, and his teeth are striking white against them, and his lashes are long and dark and crinkling at the edges, and somehow still stark against his dark eyes, that hold a twinkle, like he’s happy, happier than he’s ever been, and his cheeks are round with his smile. He’s otherworldly, and Wonwoo swears he’s an angel, or a god even, and he was sent to save Wonwoo from himself. 

Wonwoo has no words for how beautiful Mingyu is, and not even superficially, but inside, too. Wonwoo doesn’t have an idea in the world what he did to deserve the man sitting before him, chatting about how much he’s had fun on this trip, and talking about going to the spa he went to, and all the little trinkets he bought, and how far he went from their hotel, and Wonwoo can only seem to smile tenderly. Their food arrives and Mingyu dives in, and Wonwoo has the strongest urge to snap a photo of him, with his glass of wine and his plate of high end food, cheeks full and somehow still looking beautiful as ever.

So Wonwoo slips his phone from his pocket and snaps the photo, and Mingyu stops in his tracks, and peers up from his forkful of food to look at Wonwoo, and then he sets his fork down and pouts. “You could at least take one where I’m not chewing a mouthful,” he says, so Wonwoo laughs and lets him get into a ‘candid’ pose, and he looks like a model. Wonwoo promptly puts his phone away after he snaps that photo, promising to show Mingyu later. They eat their food in relative quiet, aside form a few comments about how delicious things are, and general hums of agreement from the other. 

Mingyu offers him bites of his plate, and steals a few bites off Wonwoo’s plate, but Wonwoo doesn’t mind. He finds it endearing, actually, and just feels a grin spreading on his face. He doesn’t think anything could be better than being in this moment with Mingyu. Wonwoo foots the bill (and buys them dessert) and then they take a twenty minute Uber ride to see one of Mingyu’s top spots on his list (Disney was the only one higher on the list). Tokyo Tower. 

They can see it long before they arrive, all lit up, and Mingyu is snapping photos of it as they get closer. The driver stops and Wonwoo thanks him, and the two of them hop out and join the night crowd of people, all tourists, snapping photos (and Wonwoo isn’t ashamed to admit that he and Mingyu join in on the photo op), and they join the groups of people in line to go up it. 

Wonwoo reaches for Mingyu’s hand again, interlocking their fingers, and Mingyu gives him a soft smile, and begins pointing out things while they wait to go up. The line moves swiftly, and eventually they’re on their way up to see everything. The first observation deck is a bit crowded, but Mingyu and Wonwoo make it towards the outer edge of the area, and look out over the city, watching lights twinkling and giving the city a warm yellow glow that reminds Wonwoo of life and living. 

Mingyu snaps his photos, and stares out over the city for a while. 

Wonwoo snaps a photo of Mingyu.

The lights are soft on Mingyu’s face, and Mingyu is staring wistfully out at it all. In that moment, Wonwoo feels it’s just the two of them, despite the other people milling about. Wonwoo tries to take in the view, but Mingyu is the only view he wants to see, the view he wants to engrain in his memory forever. They stand for a few minutes, watching the city life below, and finally Mingyu looks at Wonwoo. 

“We need a photo together. Let’s have someone take a few photos of us,” Mingyu says, pulling out his phone. “Shoot, my battery is almost dead from walking around earlier. We’ll have to use your phone, Wonu.”

So Wonwoo pulls up his camera and lets Mingyu hand it off to a stranger, asking in garbled speech to ‘please take a photo of them,’ and the older lady who he handed the phone to smiles and lets them pose. Wonwoo’s hand goes around Mingyu’s waist, and Mingyu turns a little to face Wonwoo head on, his own arms draping around Wonwoo’s shoulder. Wonwoo smiles, and the lady takes a photo or two, and he doesn’t notice Mingyu diving for a kiss, laying one on his cheek and lingering there, making Wonwoo’s eyes go wide in surprise, before he laughs, his other arm coming up to grab Mingyu’s.

Wonwoo takes his phone back from the woman, thanking her greatly for her effort, and Mingyu is snatching the phone from his hands and swiping through the photos. The first three are all nice, just a simple photo of the two of them, and then the next two are of Mingyu kissing Wonwoo’s cheek, one of Wonwoo being surprised, and one of Wonwoo laughing, and he can see the grin threatening to break through on Mingyu’s pursed lips. Mingyu absolutely  _ beams _ at that photo, sending it to himself and then handing the phone back to Wonwoo.

The whole ride home, Wonwoo gazes at that photo of him and Mingyu. He sets it as his background when Mingyu is gazing out at the city.

When they get back in the lobby, Wonwoo’s gaze is a bit heavy on Mingyu’s unbuttoned chest, and the hug of his dress pants to his ass, and his hand slips from Mingyu’s in the elevator, trailing across the curve of his ass and then up his spine, ghosting over the taught fabric across his shoulders. A smirk grows on Mingyu’s lips, and they make it down the hallway and into their room, but the door his hardly shut before Mingyu is tugging Wonwoo close by his turtleneck and kissing him hungrily, while Wonwoo’s hands tug the buttons undone on Mingyu’s shirt.

Wonwoo manages to get them all undone, and then he’s pushing Mingyu’s shirt down over his shoulders, shoving it from his body, and Mingyu’s whining into his mouth, tugging at the buckle on Wonwoo’s belt. Mingyu’s stumbling towards the bed still, his hands moving to Wonwoo’s hips instead to steady the two of them, and then he’s collapsing onto the bed, dragging Wonwoo with him, the kiss breaking between them, and Mingyu laying back, Wonwoo on top of him, straddling his hips. Wonwoo looks down at Mingyu, chest heaving, and then he focuses on Mingyu’s belt, working quickly to get it undone.

“I want you to top,” Mingyu pants, and Wonwoo stops in his tracks, looking back at Mingyu.

“You- you what?” Wonwoo blinks in disbelief.

“You heard me, Woo. I wanna try it.”

Wonwoo is pretty sure that’s the hottest phrase he’s ever heard in his life. “Oh,  _ fuck _ , Mingyu,” Wonwoo all but moans, grabbing Mingyu’s face and kissing him hungrily, hips rolling against Mingyu’s, earning a whine from him. “Oh my god I’m gonna fuck you  _ good _ ,” Wonwoo threatens, muttered against Mingyu’s lips, and Mingyu rolls his eyes.

“Stop talking like that you freaking doofus,” Mingyu laughs a little and then lets out a little breathy sound when Wonwoo bites at the nape of his neck, sucking a mark into the spot. Something about that sends Wonwoo into a frenzy. Wonwoo tugs his sweater up over his head and tosses it on the floor, frantically getting their pants undone and off their bodies. All he knows is he  _ wants this _ , he wants  _ Mingyu _ , and he wants to  _ fuck _ Mingyu. He rolls his barely clothed hips against Mingyu’s while he fumbles for the lube somewhere on the bedside table, kissing marks into Mingyu’s skin, desperate for more reactions from Mingyu. Mingyu moans, his hips rutting up to meet Wonwoo’s.

Wonwoo moves his way down Mingyu’s body, his hands holding Mingyu’s hips still, and he grabs the band of Mingyu’s underwear with his teeth, looking up at Mingyu through his lashes, a smirk growing on his lips as Mingyu’s eyes flare at the sight. Wonwoo’s hands slip under Mingyu, gripping his ass tightly, making Mingyu squirm, and then he’s tugging the boxers from Mingyu’s body, and standing to discard his own. He uncaps the lube and puts a generous amount on his fingers, positioning himself between Mingyu right. He inserts one finger, making Mingyu tense a little.

“You okay, Gyu?” Wonwoo asks, pausing, hoping to give him time to adjust. 

“Yeah I just- it’s a little uncomfortable at first. I- I’ve never- I’ve always been on top… Like… the one doing the fucking.” Mingyu says quietly, cheeks flushing pink. 

Wonwoo stares at MIngyu’s face. “Wait I- so I’m-”

“Yes, kind of, Wonwoo. I mean, I’ve like… fingered myself and whatever and I’ve been fingered all of like, three times, but I’ve never… actually been the one getting fucked…”

Wonwoo has the urge to kiss him, but instead he focuses in on the task at hand, working on pleasuring Mingyu. He starts moving the one finger slowly, pumping in and out of Mingyu, watching his reactions. Wonwoo watches as Mingyu relaxes a bit, getting more into the feeling. Finally, he gasps, asking for more.

“Another one. More, Wonwoo.” 

So Wonwoo adds another finger, starting off gently, and slowly opening Mingyu up. Wonwoo is pretty sure he could get off from Mingyu’s facial expressions alone, and the sounds falling from his mouth. They’re breathy little sounds of pleasure and confusion, while he still gets used to the feeling.

Mingyu asks for a third, and Wonwoo complies, getting a bit more rough now, since Mingyu’s head is thrown back against the sheets and he’s moaning loudly, apparently quite enjoying this. Wonwoo keeps going for a few moments more, looking at Mingyu for a ‘stop’ so they can get on with the show. 

It takes another few moments before Mingyu does ask him to stop, practically begging Wonwoo to actually fuck him. So Wonwoo grabs a condom from the pack that one of them had brought, and tears it open, rolling it on and then hovering over Mingyu, who’s got sweat on his forehead, making his bangs stick to it, and he’s looking up at Wonwoo with the most gorgeous eyes, and Wonwoo is surging forward to just  _ kiss _ him, kissing him deeply and tenderly, absolutely reveling in the moment. He lets his hips push forward, sinking into Mingyu slowly, making him gasp into Wonwoo’s mouth and grip tightly to Wonwoo’s shoulders. Wonwoo pulls away from the kiss, his forehead resting on Mingyu’s.

Wonwoo waits for another green light, pressing kisses to Mingyu’s cheeks and the corners of his mouth. 

Mingyu nods, and Wonwoo rolls his hips, pushing out and back into Mingyu, watching Mingyu’s face shift as he gets used to this feeling. It’s beautiful, every moment, every image, every breath, and Wonwoo  _ loves it _ . He rolls his hips again, watching as a breathy sigh falls from Mingyu’s lips. 

Wonwoo finds a better rhythm after Mingyu has adjusted, going at a much quicker pace, and getting a little bit more rough with him, his hands roaming, and Mingyu’s nails digging into Wonwoo’s bony shoulder blades.

They don’t last much longer, whether it’s exhaustion or just good sex, but Wonwoo hits that spot in Mingyu that has him seeing stars, and Wonwoo knows they won’t be at it much longer. Wonwoo gets a few more thrusts in, before Mingyu is letting his orgasm rock through him, and Wonwoo chases his own for a few moments more, before it hits him. 

And then they’re laying there, panting and looking at one another, eyes full of  _ soft _ , and Wonwoo just wants it to be like this for a long time. Eventually they get up to shower, both tired and sated and happy. 

Wonwoo sighs, his head on Mingyu’s chest, tucked gently in his side. They’re showered, hair damp, teeth brushed, laying in nothing but boxers. Mingyu claims he’s freezing, which Wonwoo finds hard to believe, since he’s practically a human heater, but he gets up to hunt his sweatpants from the bathroom, leaving Wonwoo in bed alone, to think, if even just for a few moments. He’s got to do it. He’s got to tell him about Minghao. The void in his heart isn’t quite so dark anymore, the hurt in his chest isn’t quite so painful, and the fear is less, the fear of Minghao, the fear of love, the fear of falling, it’s… there, but. It’s not a hurdle anymore, maybe closer to a bump in the road, something Wonwoo might be able to get past. 

MIngyu returns and tucks himself back under the covers with Wonwoo, wrapping him back up and tangling their legs together. Wonwoo lays his head on Mingyu’s chest, listening to the rhythm of his heart. It’s steady, and strong, and it reminds Wonwoo of a song, one that his own heart longs to beat to. 

“Mingyu?” Wonwoo’s voice is quiet, barely there, and it’s shaky. He hears Mingyu’s heart stutter, and his arms tighten a little. 

“What’s up, Wonu?” Mingyu’s voice is tender, and cautious, like he’s unsure what’s going to be said next. 

“Can I tell you about someone?” Wonwoo’s voice is hardly above a whisper, the deepest tones of his voice the only ones vibrating enough to make more than a breathy sound. 

“Of course,” Mingyu replies, carding a hand through Wonwoo’s hair. 

“His name is Minghao. I- I loved him. For a long time…” Wonwoo finds his throat closing, not wanting any more words to escape, not wanting to think about the rejection he faced, about the millions of unanswered questions swarming through his head. 

Mingyu hums, encouraging but not demanding, and his hand massages his scalp gently, reassuring him. 

“We were engaged, we were going to get married. I thought- I thought it was all good, everything was perfect…” Wonwoo swallows around the suffocating lump in his throat, and pushes down the dread in his stomach, that’s rising and trying to take hold of his chest. “Then our wedding day came. And he never came. And I looked like a fool, and- I waited for hours, until it was dark, and the church was pushing me out, to close their doors…” 

Wonwoo feels the pain now, his mind surging back to that night, when he laid in the spare room of Soonyoung and Jihoon’s apartment and sobbed into his pillow, wondering what was so wrong with him, wondering what he did wrong, or what he did to hurt Minghao to make him leave. It was a lot of ‘what ifs’ that Wonwoo still doesn’t have answers to. He remembers feeling like he wasn’t worth love, like he wasn’t capable of love, like there was something wrong with him. 

He’s crying now, though he doesn’t mean to, he tried so hard to push that feeling down, to put it away and not acknowledge it. 

“I- I hurt for a long time after that. Maybe I still am,” Wonwoo hiccups, and Mingyu’s hand is rubbing his back soothingly. “I thought- I thought maybe I didn’t deserve love, that I was disgusting, and- shit, I hated myself, for the longest time, and sometimes I still do. But I’m trying- I’m trying so hard to get over it, to move past it.”

He doesn’t say it’s all for Mingyu. He doesn’t say that Mingyu is why he wants to move past it. He doesn’t say he’s in love with Mingyu. One step at a time.

“Oh, Wonwoo…” Mingyu says softly, pressing sympathetic kisses into the top of his head. 

“I- I’m sorry. That’s- that’s why I’ve been so… so touch and go… I’m afraid, Mingyu. I’m afraid to fall. I don’t want to get hurt like that again, and- I still- I still don’t think I’m worthy of love. I- I’m sorry.” Wonwoo whispers. Mingyu’s movements stutter in an odd way, like he stops for a half a moment, like a CD skipping or something strange, but he resumes them just as he started them. 

Wonwoo cries for a little while, held tight in Mingyu’s arms, while Mingyu whispers little words of calming into Wonwoo’s hair. Wonwoo eventually calms, and Mingyu keeps rubbing those little circles into his back, hushing him quietly. He’s not sure if Mingyu realizes he’s stopped crying or not, so he just nuzzles his face into the junction of Mingyu’s neck and sighs softly. Mingyu falls silent for a few minutes, and just holds Wonwoo close, no longer rubbing circles on his back. 

“Wonwoo, you deserve… the world. You deserve love, and you deserve to be happy again. I promise you. I know you need to get over some things still, but… you’ll get there. I know you will. Because you’re strong and…” Mingyu stops to swallow, “and you’re a brilliant person.” His voice is hardly a whisper, and it’s almost shaky, like it’s full of emotion. Wonwoo didn’t realize that Mingyu felt so strongly on the subject. 

Wonwoo doesn’t say anything for a few moments, letting Mingyu’s words sink in. “Thank you.” Wonwoo says quietly. “I promise I’ll get better. I’ll be better as soon as I can.”

Mingyu kisses the top of his head again. “You need to sleep, Wonwoo. We both do. You’ve got a meeting tomorrow, and it’s our last full day here.” Wonwoo nods in agreement and lets his eyes slide shut, letting the clutches of sleep take him. 

He doesn’t even stir when Mingyu shakes with sobs beside him. 

Wonwoo presses a kiss to Mingyu’s forehead, making sure he slips from bed without any disturbances, and decides since he’s up before dawn, that he’s going to get the two of them coffee and something for breakfast. He makes sure to leave a note for Mingyu, on the bedside table, letting him know he’d be back, and slips a hoodie over his head, his glasses perched on his nose, and sneakers on his feet. He grabs his phone and wallet, and makes his way through the lobby and out onto the street. He walks for a little while until he finds a local cafe, deciding that it looks like the best place he’s seen yet. 

It’s a cute little place, and it’s just opening, sunshine yawning brightly through the windows of the shop, brightening the place. It smells like baked goods, tantalizing Wonwoo’s senses with the crispy doughy smell of bread, and the saccharine sweet scent of the pastries, making Wonwoo’s mouth water. There’s a few other customers in the shop, but it’s too early for them to be busy. 

Wonwoo stands to the side, looking over everything, deciding what he’d like, and trying to pick just one thing that Mingyu would enjoy (though he’s pretty sure he’d buy several things for Mingyu and he’d probably eat it all with no problem). He knows Mingyu’s coffee order, a French vanilla cappuccino, and an iced Americano with for himself. The bell on the door chimes, and Wonwoo pays it no mind until he hears it. 

That laugh. The one that haunted his dreams, that brought him joy and then so much heartache, and put him in hell for years. 

Minghao. 

Wonwoo’s head snaps in the direction of the door, and there he is, hand entwined with another man’s giggling at something he’d just said. Wonwoo looks away immediately, stomach dropping in shock, his brain bringing up all the shit he’s been through in his life. He hears the two of them drop into a hushed whisper, speaking some dialect of Chinese to one another, though Wonwoo isn’t sure which, he hardly knew conversational Japanese and he’s here all the time. 

Wonwoo stares blankly at the menu on the wall, trying to calm his dread filled body, trying to ignore the two men behind him. Which becomes impossible when he hears someone clear their throat, and call his name timidly. 

“Wonwoo?”

Wonwoo feels his stomach churn, and he turns slowly, hoping to school his face into something other than shock, when he sees Minghao looking at him, head cocked slightly. His hair is long now, well, longer than it was years ago, jet black and styled in a sweeping mullet that brushes over his cheekbones on the edges, and sits gently over his brows. He’s skinnier, though not in a bad way, just more lithe looking, and his skin is practically glowing. Something in his eyes has changed, though Wonwoo can’t place it. 

He doesn’t mean to stare, and he doesn’t mean to not say anything, but he knows it’s been longer than a socially acceptable time to respond. So instead, he blinks, and plays it off like disbelief. “Minghao…?”

“Oh my god, it’s you!” Minghao exclaims. His face brightens, and Wonwoo doesn’t think he could handle it if he went in for a hug.

“Yeah, it’s… it’s me.” Wonwoo nods, not really sure how to respond. 

“You look so different, you look-” Minghao blinks and shakes his head. “I don’t know, you just- you look so different.”

“Well. I’ve been through… a lot. I guess life will change you. You look…” Wonwoo doesn’t want to say it. But it’s the truth. What he sees in Minghao’s eyes, it’s happiness. Happiness unlike what he ever saw before. “You look happier.” 

Minghao’s face grows a bit sheepish. “I… I am. No offense.”

Wonwoo shrugs. “None taken. I- listen, I know that now isn’t the time, or- I don’t know, it’s weird I just- can we talk? For a little while? I just- I have questions, and- this is sudden, I guess I’m in shock.”

Minghao nods. “I can understand that you’re… probably wondering. About a lot of things. I suppose I owe you an explanation.”

Wonwoo blinks. He wasn’t really expecting him to say yes, but then Minghao’s words process in his head. “You  _ suppose?” _ Wonwoo wants to laugh. He wants to get mad. Hell, he  _ is _ mad. 

“That- that came out wrong, my Korean is… rusty to say the least. Please, order what you wanted, and then we can chat.”

Wonwoo shakes his head. “I’m ordering something for someone else, I’ll just get it before I leave.” 

Minghao says something to the man beside him, who’s just pretending like this entire interaction isn’t horrifically awkward. “Wonwoo, this- this is Jun. My husband.” Something about that strikes Wonwoo all wrong, and his fucking head just spirals backwards through all their memories, all the ones he spent years dwelling on. 

Wonwoo can only nod when Jun greets him, just with a small wave. Minghao tells Jun to get the two of them a table, and then pulls Wonwoo aside to talk with him. “Look, I’m sorry I left you like that.”

“At the altar? So I could stand there for hours and look like a fool?” Wonwoo doesn’t mean for it to come out so bitter, but Minghao’s expression changes into something a little harder himself, though he’s thinking, and Wonwoo can see it in his eyes. 

“I never told you, but I was offered a job here. In Japan, with one of the biggest dance companies in the world. And Jun,  _ he  _ was the one who got me it. We were childhood friends, and we danced together for our whole lives. I left China to try and make something of my life, because I couldn’t get anywhere with dancing there. And I ran from him. And my feelings for him. So when he called me all those years later, a few months before we were supposed to get married, I just- it hit me, how much I loved him. And how much I had ignored that feeling for him, and we began talking again, because he said he was going to try his hardest to get me into that company, so I could pursue my passion again, and Wonwoo, I wanted it.

“And it was an awful thing for me to do, know I was falling in love with someone else, while our wedding day was approaching. I knew I couldn’t go through with it, I left for Japan the night before, I didn’t even tell my parents. I’ve told them since, but it took months to get up the courage to even talk to them. That’s- that’s not the point. I just- you weren’t the one, Wonwoo, and I should have been honest with you the second Jun called and those old feelings hit me all over again, but I thought it was nostalgia, and then it went too deep, and by the time I realized, it was three days before the wedding and I told myself to go through with it and just get it over with, that maybe I’d stop loving Jun, but he called me the night before and told me about the position at the company and so- I left. I followed my heart.”

Wonwoo is silent for a minute. Processing, formulating what to say, he isn’t sure. “I just. I wish you would have told me. Do you know what that did to me? Thinking- the one person that I gave my everything to, that I trusted my heart to, just up and left me? On- perhaps the most important day of- of our lives as a whole, as a unit  _ together- _ just fucking abandoned me? It ruined me, Minghao. And don’t say you’re fucking sorry because- well, yeah, maybe you should be, but- you’re not, because you’re doing better than you ever did with me, and I can see that. And I don’t for a second blame you for loving someone else, and chasing your dreams. But hell, I spent years thinking I wasn’t good enough, I spent years afraid of opening up, I spent years trying to just fathom what you did to me, I spent years  _ hating myself _ , because I thought it was my fault. 

“I was afraid to love, Minghao. I still am, because I keep  _ running  _ when things are getting good, and you don’t know him, but I’ve hurt Mingyu so many fucking times, and I can’t stop seeming to do that, because shit, Minghao, I still think he deserves better than me. Better than what I can offer, better than my fucked up world and my fucked up head, because he’s- the most amazing man I’ve ever met in my life, and shit, whoever marries him is lucky to have him for the rest of their life because he’s one in a million, and he deserves the goddamn universe and I know I can’t give it to him. But I’m selfish, and I’m fucked up, and I keep pulling him back in.

“I’m glad you have Jun. I’m glad you’re happy, and you’re doing well. I’m glad you could build a life with him that I could never have given you. I just wish I hadn’t spent so long waiting for answers. I wish I hadn’t spent so  _ long _ wondering what I did wrong, I wish I hadn’t let it ruin me. I just wish you had told me.”

Wonwoo can feel the tears on his cheeks and he wipes them away frantically. Minghao is staring at him, his eyes thinking, but not judging. There’s something soft there, but not something that’s pitying. He waits a minute, but then speaks. 

“Wonwoo,” his voice is gentle, chiding, attention grabbing, but still soft. Like a small nudge in the right direction. “You’ve changed.”

“What?”

“You aren’t the Wonwoo I loved. And it’s not bad, either. I think. I think this new you is better. Emotionally vulnerable.”

Wonwoo blinks. “What? Everyone says I’m emotionally stunted.” Wonwoo chuckles almost bitterly, through the tears that can’t seem to stop falling down his cheeks. 

“No, you’ve grown emotionally. When we were together- you were afraid, I could see it. Afraid to be anything but happy around me, as if you were dancing around me, as if you were afraid to push me out if you were unhappy. I think- maybe I’m glad we didn’t get married. I don’t think you ever would have truly been happy with me, Wonwoo. I think you would have snapped, like a string with too much tension on it. You can only be so strong when you’re constantly pretending. And you should know, you are capable of loving someone. And you’re capable of someone loving you, and you deserve love. But not my love, because my love would not have made you happy.

“You love this Mingyu guy. And you loved me, perhaps, when we were together, but we weren’t  _ it. _ Simply from what you’ve said, you  _ love _ Mingyu. And you can give him everything, because you can give him  _ you _ , you can show him how  _ you feel. _ Because you showed me, just now. You were angry. You were sad. You were relieved. You weren’t just faking happiness. Even when I angered you, or upset you, you just smiled and kept going. It was puppy love at best with me, Wonwoo.” Minghao says. 

“I can’t seem to  _ tell _ him, though, Minghao. I’ve tried I- shit, I brought him here with me, to Japan, and- I’ve wanted to all  _ week _ to tell him I love him. But I can’t I- I can’t pick up the pieces again, not after you, and-”

“You don’t need to worry about that, Wonwoo. You’ve pushed him away, you’ve kept him at arms length, and he’s  _ trying _ , he’s come back every time, he’s let  _ you _ come back every time. He  _ loves _ you. He’s  _ working with you _ , at  _ your pace _ , because he clearly cares. Tell him. Tell him you love him, tell him when the time is right for you, but don’t hold out too long. You shouldn’t lose him.” 

Wonwoo stares at Minghao for a while, longer than maybe is acceptable, but Minghao looks him right in his eyes, unbreaking, and steady, like he always was.

“Thank you.”

“What?”

“I spent years being- mad, sad, upset, whatever, I spent years hurting over you, over myself, and I never thought I’d be saying it, but... Thank you. For telling me. It’s late, but- it’s okay. I think- I think it helped.”

“You’re welcome. And truly, I’m sorry for the pain I caused. But I’m- I’m glad to see it’s made you better.” Minghao’s voice is gentle, like he doesn’t quite want to say it, but Wonwoo nods. 

“I think it did too.”

Wonwoo says his goodbyes, gets coffee and a boatload of pastries for Mingyu, and walks out of the coffee shop, leaving Minghao and Jun behind, the two of them in love and glowing like angels in the early morning sun. 

Wonwoo gets home with his goodie box of pastries and two coffees in hand, and finds Mingyu just sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes, his hair sticking up in crazy places. Wonwoo giggles at the sight, which is- probably the cutest thing he’s ever seen. He sits on the edge of the bed and smiles at Mingyu. 

“Good morning, Gyu! I brought you breakfast! I wasn’t sure what you’d want so… I bought an assortment.” Wonwoo says opening the lid of the box. 

Mingyu hums in response, reaching out for one of the pastries. “So that’s where you went? I thought you left for your meeting already,” Mingyu says, voice gruff from sleep still. 

“Nope. I went to the coffee shop. And… I got you your coffee order! A French vanilla cappuccino, right?” Wonwoo holds it out, and Mingyu hums again and nods, reaching for the coffee with the hand that isn’t stuffing a cinnamon roll into his cheeks. 

Wonwoo smiles at Mingyu’s antics, just feeling  _ light _ , like he could float away at any given moment and soar among the stars. He’s told Mingyu about Minghao, he’s gotten answers from Minghao, his job is going great, and he’s in  _ love _ , with the most amazing man in the world. He just needs to tell him. 

Wonwoo opens his mouth to say something, only to see Mingyu has scarfed down a whole three pastries, and is about to take a bite of his fourth one, and Wonwoo snatches it from his hand. “Mingyu! You’re gonna get sick,” Wonwoo scolds, and Mingyu looks like a kicked puppy, his face instantly frowning. Wonwoo sighs and gives him the little raspberry tart back. “Alright, but this is your last one. I don’t want you getting sick.” Wonwoo watches Mingyu’s face light up as he takes a bite of it. 

Wonwoo takes a cinnamon roll for himself and has a bite, and takes a sip of his coffee, sitting in bed for a little while longer before he goes to get ready for the meeting he has this afternoon. 

The meeting drags on for an eternity or so, Wonwoo thinks, since it’s just a recap of their progress this week, and their future product releases. It’s nothing Wonwoo thinks should take a whole three hours, but it does, much to Wonwoo’s dismay, and then he’s allowed to leave, thanking everyone and agreeing to see them next time. 

Mingyu is nowhere to be found when Wonwoo gets home, but his stuff is still in the coat closet in the room, where he had moved it a few days prior, and Wonwoo decides he’s going to go down to the hot tub for a while to just breathe and process all the crazy things that happened this week. He changes quickly, and slips downstairs into the pool room, leaving a note behind for Mingyu. Wonwoo sighs as he sinks into the empty hot tub, and begins to process all his emotions. Had he  _ really _ run into  _ Minghao _ of all people? Of the seven-something-billion people on the planet, while he’s on vacation with Mingyu in Japan, he runs into his ex-fiancee that he hasn’t seen in seven and a half years. What are the fucking odds?

Wonwoo thinks about Mingyu, and all that he’s ever done to him, all that Mingyu has ever put up with him for. It’s love. Minghao was right, it’s love, because Mingyu made sure to stick with him no matter what is right. This is love. Being vulnerable, being at someone’s side in their weakest hours, that’s love. Staying despite the hardship, remaining tender, feeling warm and fuzzy, saying stupid things, hearing bad jokes, feeling them in your arms, putting up with their bullshit (which Wonwoo seems to have a lot of). And Mingyu has done it all, he’s seen it all, he’s felt everything that Wonwoo has, and he’s  _ stayed. _

Wonwoo has to tell him. But not now. He has to tell him about Minghao, and they only have tomorrow morning, and Wonwoo wants to be able to  _ show _ Mingyu just what he means. Not now, because he’s already put Mingyu through so much in this week alone, that Mingyu should get a little break from Wonwoo and Wonwoo’s… emotional dumping. Mingyu deserves that much at least, an important way to tell him how he feels. 

Wonwoo cracks an eye open when he hears the door to the pool room open, and in Mingyu walks, spotting Wonwoo in the hot tub. He strides over and crouches down before the hot tub. “How did the meeting go?”

“Good. The launch is ready and the marketing campaign is going well. Everything is set up. Next week when I get back will be chaos,” Wonwoo laughs lightly. Mingyu smiles.

“Good. We should do something when you’re done in the hot tub. Maybe drink wine on the balcony. And visit the cat cafe. It’s only 2. We’ve got time. We could walk to the local park! The cherry blossoms are in bloom about now, since it’s April,” Mingyu suggests. Wonwoo nods in agreeance. 

“That would be nice. I’ll get out and we can go get lunch,” Wonwoo says, climbing the stairs out of the hot tub and grabbing a towel. The two of them walk back to their room, and Wonwoo changes into a sweater and jeans, and the two of them head out to explore some more. They walk a short ways to the cat cafe, stopping to pet all the cats for a few minutes, before ordering coffee and heading out.

“We should go back to the tower, Wonu. There’s a little shopping and a bunch of restaurants around it, and there’s a park there, if you wanna see the cherry blossoms,” Mingyu suggests. 

Wonwoo smiles. “I’d be okay with that. We can get an early dinner, since our flight is early tomorrow morning. And we can finish those pastries I got you this morning on the plane tomorrow.”

So they catch a cab out to the little district again, and spend the rest of the afternoon wandering the neighborhood around the tower, getting little snacks from different food places, and Mingyu gets them matching keychains. It’s so odd, so… so much like a couple would be, which Wonwoo supposes they practically are, at this point. But it’s wonderful. 

They come across a little photo booth near the bottom of the tower and Mingyu bounces up and down excitedly, insisting that they do it, so Wonwoo inserts money into it, and they pick some cheesy background and snap a series of photos. 

The first one, Mingyu insists that they just smile. The second one, Mingyu shouts ‘funny face!’ and puffs his cheeks out and furrows his brows, pretending to look angry, while Wonwoo sticks his tongue out and scrunches his eyes shut. The third one is them laughing, and is a little bit blurry, and the fourth one, Mingyu wants them to do peace signs. They print it, opting to get the banner at the bottom, selecting the one that says ‘Tokyo Tower,’ and Mingyu pulls them out the second they’re printed, and hands one to Wonwoo while they look it over. 

“Okay, this was cute. We’re doing another one.” Mingyu states, slipping back into the booth. Wonwoo raises an eyebrow. “We’re gonna do a serious one, come on, Wonwoo!” Mingyu grabs his arm and tugs him into the booth. This time, Mingyu sticks the payment in, and opts for a less cheesy background.

“First one, smile, and put our arms around each other! Quick!” Mingyu says in a panic, while the timer counts down from 7. Their arms get tangled halfway through, but they manage to pose, both of them laughing, and the photo snaps, and they turn to one another and laugh, not noticing the next photo getting taken. Their laughter quiets the longer they stare at each other, and soon Wonwoo is drowning in Mingyu’s eyes, and then he’s surging forward to kiss him, a hand on his shoulder to pull him closer, and Mingyu’s hands cup Wonwoo’s cheeks. The machine makes a fake shutter sound and they move apart, only to see they’d laughed their way through the photo strip. Mingyu doesn’t even pout though, pleased with the results, because he smiles at the preview of the photos with the most  _ tender _ eyes Wonwoo had ever seen, and something about that makes Wonwoo’s heart wrench. 

Mingyu puts ‘Tokyo’ and the date under it- April seventh. 

“Sorry it’s- it’s kinda gross. I didn’t mean for that to happen…” Mingyu says, handing Wonwoo a strip. But Wonwoo doesn’t complain. He stares at the photo strips in his hands with adoration.

“That’s okay,” Wonwoo says softly. 

They finish up with their snacking and their wandering, and agree to head to the park near the tower, the sun getting ready to set in the sky, hanging low and starting to get that beautiful yellow golden glow. The breeze is strong now, making the leaves on the trees lining the streets rustle in the wind. Traffic is flowing, and the few streets they walk down are fairly calm, not packed with people. 

They walk side by side, hand in hand, the whole way to the park. When they arrive, the wind picks up through the open space, ruffling the grass and making petals fall from the trees. The late afternoon sun glints between their branches, and the soft pink is a striking contrast to the golden sun and the dark brown bark of the trees. Mingyu looks at it all in awe, and Wonwoo can’t help but gaze at the trees with him. 

They’re beautiful, truly, and the park is so quiet compared to the streets around them, and Wonwoo feels the strongest sense of peace as they walk down the little path, cherry blossoms falling around them. The breeze blows them around in swirls, and Wonwoo looks up at them in wonder, listening to the very distant sound of traffic and the sound of the breeze through the trees, and the few quiet conversations happening around them in the park. He knows Mingyu is looking at him, and he knows there are petals stuck in his unstyled hair, because they’re peppered through Mingyu’s own hair. 

This moment is beautiful and peaceful, and Wonwoo thinks about forever like this, with Mingyu at his side, no worries, no stress, just peace, and his seemingly unending love for Mingyu. Wonwoo thinks about how he felt with Minghao, and how he saw a future, but nothing like this, nothing like forever, with Minghao, and how he feels this with Mingyu. He can see a future, sure, the two of them cooking dinners together, and going on countless vacations around the world, and growing old by one another’s side, but that’s nothing like forever. 

Forever with Mingyu would be bliss, moments and memories like this, playing in his head and saved in his heart for eternity, touches shared between them burning hot and bright and somehow tender, pressing into his skin forever. The feeling in his stomach, the pounding of his heart, the heating of his cheeks, Mingyu’s lips on his own, lingering there forever. Moments like this, the peaceful, blissful wonder of  _ love _ lasting forever. 

Wonwoo’s throat closes when the words push up from his heart through his chest, wanting nothing more than to say it, but when his head turns to speak, and his eyes fall on Mingyu, looking out over the grass and watching the sun, or maybe the woman walking her dog, Wonwoo decides that he shouldn’t interrupt this tranquility, and this gentle quiet. So he takes a seat on the bench they’re passing, and faces the sun, closing his eyes and reveling in the calm, feeling the early spring sun on his cheeks, and the wind through his hair, and the love in his heart. He holds it all close, forging this memory and this moment in his mind. 

The wind picks up again, blowing through Wonwoo’s hair and shirt, fallen petals swirling around his feet, and **he almost swears he hears the whisper of ‘I love you’ on the wind.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm warning y'all now: the next part is gonna H U R T. Trust me. 
> 
> Also I just wanted to thank everyone who's been reading this. It's been a long journey, and I'm so glad that this has gotten so much support. Thank you all so much for reading this! I'm trying to finish the next part right now, but I'm on a trip so I've been busy and will be for a week or so, but I'm working on it whenever I've got time.


	3. I Need to Stop Letting Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go wrong. But it's okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT FOLKS, WE'RE HERE, WE'RE AT THE END
> 
> it's 1 am and I finally finished this and couldn't wait to post it, so it's not edited, but none of this has been. 
> 
> I'm sorry for what you're about to go through

When they arrive back home, Wonwoo is swept away in a river of work, his mind on autopilot for two straight weeks. Most nights he’s lucky if he gets four hours of sleep. He was doing alright the first week, and then things just sort of… drowned him. He manages a text here and there to Mingyu, and his heart fucking  _ hurts _ because he can’t see him, he can’t be with him, he can’t hear the other’s voice. 

Finally, the product is launched, the marketing campaign is launched, and the numbers are running smoothly. The ads are perfect, and the company is profiting, and everything is quiet, for a blissful moment. So Wonwoo goes home early on a Thursday, and catches up on some sleep. When he wakes, he’s got a craving for Mingyu, and his arms around him, and his goofy laugh, and his charming smile. So he texts him. It’s dinnertime, so Mingyu is probably busy at the restaurant, Wonwoo knows, but he doesn’t hear back, not for three whole days. 

Over these three days, Wonwoo decides it’s time to cleanse himself. He sits on the floor of his bedroom, reaching far under his bed until his hand touches it, the box that’s sat under his bed for years, collecting dust, and he pulls it out. The dusty top reads ‘ _ Minghao _ ’ in his calculated handwriting, and he finally decides it’s time to open it. He pulls the lid off, and the contents of the box are the same, just as he left them. A wedding invitation. Four photos. Two shirts. A letter. 17 post-its that he used to find in his lunch and post in his cubicle, back when his office was a cubicle. A quarter that Wonwoo had in his pocket the day they met. The pocket square from his wedding tux. And three rings, an engagement band, and both of their wedding rings. 

Wonwoo takes the rings out and examines them, setting them aside to sell. They might need a polish, but that’s alright, they’re not in bad shape, and neither of the wedding rings have been used at all.

Next are the post it notes.

_ Hope you have a great day! I love you! _

_ Kick ass and take names! Get that deal! Love, Minghao _

_ Good luck on your presentation, baby! Kisses, M.H. _

_ Just a little reminder that I love you, Woo! -Hao _

_ Packed you a little extra snack today, you’ve been looking too skinny lately. XOXO Hao _

Wonwoo stares at them for a few minutes, reading over all of them with a small smile on his face. Minghao was a good guy, even if he did break Wonwoo’s heart. He always cared for Wonwoo, even up until the end. 

Wonwoo carefully places the notes back in the box, and looks at the two worn out t-shirts that are speckled with holes. Probably should just throw those out, no one is going to pick those up at the thrift store. Wonwoo sets the pocket square aside to be donated when he goes through his wardrobe.

Wonwoo looks at the letter from when Minghao went to visit his parents in China, the one that he’d sent just after they got engaged, with which he had enclosed 4 cool postcards, and a keychain. They still all sat in the envelope with the letter, and Wonwoo had read the letter about a hundred times when Minghao left him at the altar, and most of it is tear soaked now, and crinkled from squishing it to his chest as he sobbed. The writing isn’t really that legible, but Wonwoo remembers bits and pieces of it. His parents’ expressions when Minghao told them they were getting married. How he couldn’t wait to start planning it, and how much he loved and missed him, and how he couldn’t wait for Wonwoo to visit his parents in China. 

That never happened, since Wonwoo met them in person for the first time (aside from about a thousand facetime phone calls with Minghao) two weeks before their wedding, when they came out to visit for the wedding.

The photos are beautiful, memories that even now, Wonwoo can recall with clarity, one when they visited the beach and Minghao took a photo of him, ever the photographer, with the sunset in the background, soaking up the golden rays. His nose was a tad pink with sunburn, and his hair was curled with humidity and salt water, and blowing in the breeze. It was a beautiful photo, but on closer inspection, Wonwoo could see the pain in his eyes. It’s subtle, and it shows the torment in Wonwoo’s mind, the string he pulled ever tighter to bottle his emotions.

He remembers hours earlier from the photo, he and Minghao had argued, something small, something ridiculous, like how Wonwoo wanted to stay in and read for a few hours and Minghao had wanted to go down to the pier and get ice cream, but Wonwoo had wanted to cry. Minghao ended up going out to the town and leaving Wonwoo home, and Wonwoo shut himself in the bathroom to cry, refusing to let Minghao see him like that. 

Wonwoo sets it aside, considering putting it up on the wall somewhere. Minghao was a beautiful photographer, and Wonwoo hadn’t been to the beach in years.

The next photo is one of him and Minghao and several friends- including Minghao’s friend Yanan, and Soonyoung and Jihoon and Seokmin. This was long before Seokmin and Chan got together. Another good photo, which Wonwoo was considering hanging up. They had gone out to dinner that night and taken a cute group photo, before Yanan left for China again. Wonwoo wonders how he’s been. 

The third photo is of just himself and Minghao. Not a keeper, but a good memory. It was from when they went to the local fair, and Minghao had insisted they took a selfie at the top of the Ferris wheel. Wonwoo feels any prior resentment towards Minghao dissipating. 

The fourth photo is from the night they got engaged. Minghao was flashing the ring, the brightest smile on his face, and Wonwoo looking smitten at him. He had proposed at a game night, when they were in the kitchen alone, and Jihoon and Soonyoung and Seokmin were arguing in the living room over Uno. Jihoon had taken the photo, and Minghao had printed it out a week later and framed it, and stuck it in the middle of the living room. 

This isn’t a keeper either. But a good memory. 

Wonwoo throws it all out, except for the rings to sell, and the two photos, and the pocket square, which he tosses into the basket that would be full of donations. Wonwoo pulls out his laptop and starts looking for photos to print and frames to fit them in. He picks out a few from his phone, ones of him and his friends, and ones of his brother and wife, ones of their family this past Christmas, and ones from his and Mingyu’s trip, and sends them to the nearest grocery store to print so he could pick them up. 

Wonwoo goes through his closet and donates his oldest suits, the ones he hardly wears, and a few pairs of jeans he only wears if all his others are dirty. He cleans out the fridge, and decides it's time to shop. Maybe he could get ingredients for dinner for next time Mingyu came over. Wonwoo writes out a list of things, looking up recipes of meals that are easy, that he thinks Mingyu would like. 

His phone chimes, and he rushes over in excitement to see who it’s from. Not Mingyu. 

Instead it’s Soonyoung and Jihoon’s group chat, asking him to come over for a few drinks tomorrow night. Wonwoo wholeheartedly agrees, excited to see his friends again after a while. He asks if Seokmin and Chan are still in town, to which Jihoon replies yes, and says that they’ll be there too. His phone chimes next with an email from the store, notifying him that his photos are printed and ready for pickup, so he snaps a photo of the list on the fridge, and heads out to the store.

When he gets back, photo frames, fairy lights, and clothes pins in hand, he shoves the groceries in the fridge and gets to work to frame pictures and hang them. His apartment suddenly feels so much homier, and brighter. Suddenly, his apartment feels less like a lonely bachelor pad, and more like  _ home _ , like a place he loves, and a place he wants to be for a long time. He stares at the photo of him and Mingyu in front of the Disney castle, that’s perched on a bookshelf next to his TV, and he smiles. 

The next night he goes to Jihoon and Soonyoung’s with a plan in his head and a spring in his step, even if he hasn’t heard from Mingyu in two days. He knocks on the door of their little house, and Soonyoung greets him with a hug. He can hear the rest of the group chattering inside, and Jihoon is cooking some casserole something for dinner, and it smells fantastic.

“Help yourself to snacks, dinner won’t be for another half an hour,” Jihoon says, handing Wonwoo a glass of white wine. Seokmin and Chan step in to greet him too, and they all ask about Japan. Wonwoo shows them photos, and talks excitedly about Mingyu, and while they don’t say anything, Wonwoo knows what they’re thinking. 

He’s whipped. 

“Wonwoo… I know you might not want to hear it again, but… You should really talk to Mingyu about… taking things a step further. Having Mingyu be… not just a friend, but something more?” Jihoon dances around the words boyfriend and relationship, but Wonwoo knows he’s trying to keep things light, because those have always been touchy subjects for Wonwoo. 

“I ran into Minghao while we were in Japan,” Wonwoo starts out. 

“No!” Jihoon gasps.

“Are you serious?!” Seokmin asks, incredulous.

“What the hell?!” Soonyoung all but shouts. 

“Yeah, I know.. But… I talked to him. I got answers from him. And- yeah, you guys were right the whole time, no need to say I told you so. But… I’ve let go. Of any resentment, of any bad feelings towards him. And I’m not going to go into detail about… what he told me, but. I’ve changed, even he sees it, and I always thought it was for the worse… But he saw the better. Like Minghao always did. And he believes that I’m better than I ever was with him. But he knows I’m afraid. I spilled the whole story of Mingyu, and he told me that I deserved to love. He said I shouldn’t be afraid because Mingyu loves me.” Wonwoo says quietly. 

Seokmin looks at him, as if prompting him to go on. “Well?”

“Jihoon, Soonyoung. If my plus one is still… allowed, I’d really like to bring Mingyu. As my boyfriend.”

Jihoon all but screams and tackles Wonwoo in a hug. Luckily, he’d set his wine down long ago, otherwise it would be  _ all. Over. _ Soonyoung screeches and joins the tackle hug, and Seokmin and Chan laugh it off behind them. 

“Wonwoo has a  _ boyfriend _ !” Jihoon shouts, removing himself from Wonwoo to do a happy dance. 

“Not exactly! I just- I’m going to tell him how I feel and ask him tomorrow night… I just- I was going to in Japan but I’m nervous… I’m still scared, and I don’t know of what, or why, because I know Mingyu feels the same and I just- I needed the right way to do it.”

“And a romantic trip for two to  _ Japan _ wasn’t it?!” Chan exclaims. 

“No, it- it needed to be different. I don’t know, during Japan just didn’t seem right to me. I’m going to do it tomorrow night, I know he has Saturdays off, and I want to take him out to dinner, and I’m going to give him flowers with the invitation, and it’s all going to be very cliche, I  _ know _ .” Wonwoo explains. They all coo over him, and Jihoon still calls him a little bit of an idiot, but coos anyways.

So Wonwoo now has his grand ‘I love Mingyu’ plan. Except he knows himself. He knows he’s a stupid coward and probably won’t be able to actually  _ speak it _ , so he writes a letter. A whole freaking letter to let Mingyu know every single feeling he’s been feeling, and the way he loves him. And on the third night of silence from Mingyu, on Saturday, he plans to execute said plan.

And he makes sure to bring the invitation to Jihoon and Soonyoung’s wedding. 

_ Dear Mingyu, _

_ I’m writing this because I know when I go to say it, the words aren’t going to come out right (if at all). I am afraid, afraid to love, afraid that I’m not worthy, that I’m undeserving, that I can’t love someone if I can’t even love myself. But that’s stupid, because I already know. I already know that you love me, even though I’m fucked up. And don’t say I’m not, because I am. I’m emotionally constipated, even if Minghao says I’m not anymore. _

_ That day in Japan, when I went to get you pastries and coffee, out of every single person in the world, I ran into Minghao. And it didn’t hurt anymore, in my chest, to see him. And I realized that he’s not the reason I was hurting, I was the reason that I was hurting. Sure, it hurt getting my heart broken, sure it hurt to have so many unanswered questions. But I was holding me back, with my stupid fears and my stupid self-loathing. And that’s what it was, because I let myself get hurt and then continued to hurt myself by not letting myself love again.  _

Wonwoo straightens his jacket a little, and grabs the bouquet and his keys, and calls the restaurant once more to check on his reservations, ensuring that everything is on schedule. He grabs the umbrella by the door, noting the steady drizzle outside, and the way the pavement shines with rainwater. He heads down to the parking lot of his building and climbs in the car, driving the all too familiar route to Mingyu’s.

_ Minghao said I was changed. He said I wasn’t like I was when we were together. Maybe that’s what hurting does to you, it changes a person, and it can make you worse or you can get better from it. He said he never once saw me cry, or get angry. And he’s right, I never did cry, I never got angry with him, I wouldn’t be true to my feelings when I was with him. He’s right, Mingyu, I’ve changed. And while I’m still terrified of it, I’ve fallen in love.  _

_ I’ve fallen in love with you, Mingyu. Every little thing about you. The way you laugh, your smile, your kind heart, the way you put up with all my bullshit, your spectacular cooking, the way you make ME laugh, the way you’ve made me into something more than a cold hearted bachelor who just finds a random fuck at a bar on a Friday night. You’ve made me a man who I want to be, and I used to be someone who couldn’t stand to look himself in the mirror in the morning.  _

Wonwoo arrives in front of Mingyu’s building and heads up to the fourth floor, walking through the familiar hall, the shitty carpet under his feet silencing his footsteps, the fluorescent lighting giving the hall a strange glow. Mingyu’s door is to the left, and Wonwoo knocks. 

_ You know, before we went to Japan, when I ignored you for weeks? When we didn’t talk for months? I was trying not to love you, but it wouldn’t work. I was trying not to love you, because I didn’t love myself. I felt that you were someone who deserved the universe, and I felt like I couldn’t give it to you, because I was the World’s Shittiest Man™ and I thought I was still afraid to love. And I was. And I’m still a little scared. So I pushed you out. And all I could feel deep in my gut was regret for that, and guilt over how I might have made you feel. _

_ And then I came crawling back, and you welcomed me with open arms, and I in that moment I KNEW I didn’t deserve you, but I knew you wanted me, no matter what shit I put you through, because you are kind, and you are caring, and you’re genuine, and you do deserve better than what I put you through.  _

The door opens and Mingyu is there, in a button down, looking confused. 

“Wonwoo?”

_ Mingyu, I love you. And I loved you for a long time, I think. But I was afraid. So afraid at first, to even fall, and then so afraid that you deserved better than me. Someone who wouldn’t abandon you randomly and then crawl back because I needed you, I needed the way you made me feel, and I don’t even mean during sex (even if it’s pretty fucking amazing). You made me feel safe. You made me feel okay with vulnerability. I fucking cried around you, on like, our first date thing. When we went to the theater, and you’re not even into theater.  _

_ You make me feel better, you make me feel like I’m in heaven, you make me feel loved, and cared for, and cared about. When we were in Japan, and you said all those things, I knew you meant it, and anytime anyone else said anything like that to me I couldn’t believe them. I couldn’t believe that they saw anything more than a sorry excuse for a stupid man who couldn’t love.  _

Wonwoo holds the flowers out to Mingyu, in offering.

“I know you have Saturdays off. I thought maybe we could go out to dinner tonight. I want to- to talk to you about something,” Wonwoo says, voice dropping to something more quiet, more nervous.

“Oh… I- I’m kind of busy tonight, Wonwoo…” Mingyu says, his own voice dropping quieter, and he looks away from Wonwoo’s eyes, like he’s  _ ashamed _ .

_ Remember the night I stayed at your house after I threw up? I freaked out. I freaked out because I thought I was losing you, because I saw that phone number on your mirror, and the used condoms, and- this isn’t anything against you. You were right, we weren’t together, you’re a grown man, you have needs, and wants. And then the night I came over to plan the trip, and you had Kihyun over, and I just felt like shit. And I’m not guilting you, that’s not the point of this. But I was angry, with you, and myself, but mostly myself. Because I was letting you get away, and I didn’t want that, I couldn’t lose you, and by then I was in too deep with you to just cut it off, like I tried so hard to do. _

_ I had nightmares for a straight week before we went to Japan. You’d slam the door in my face and tell me to get lost, because you didn’t love me like I loved you. Because I wasn’t good enough. Because I was afraid. Afraid to lose you, afraid to be in love with you, afraid that I wasn’t good enough. _

And then Wonwoo hears him. 

“Gyu? Who’s that?”

Kihyun. 

Wonwoo’s heart drops through the floor. “Oh.”

Mingyu scratches the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah, I- look, Wonwoo…”

“No, no, I get it,” Wonwoo nods, blinking back the tears stinging at his eyes. 

“You just- You can’t expect me to wait around for you forever Wonwoo… You’ve hardly spoken to me since Japan, and- and you told me all that stuff about being emotionally unavailable, and not being able to love, and being hurt, still. And I loved you, Wonwoo. I love you so fucking deeply it hurts, but- I can’t wait anymore, I can’t keep pining after you when you just- you aren’t available. It fucking  _ hurts me,  _ Wonwoo. And I know that you need time, or whatever, but Wonwoo, I don’t know when you’ll be ready. You don’t know when you’ll be ready. Maybe I’m a dick for it, but- I’m trying to move on. 

“I’m trying to stop feeling so heartbroken everytime I think about you, I need to stop thinking about how much it hurts that I don’t know if you’ll ever love me back, in the way I love you, or if you’re just with me to move past whatever hurt you’re feeling, and it hurts because I don’t know. I don’t know anything, I don’t know how you feel, or why you act like you love me and then don’t say it back,” Mingyu shakes his head. 

_ And I’m still afraid, Mingyu. But not when I’m with you. I know you, I know I can trust you. I know that you’ve seen me at my worst, I know that you’ve seen me at my best, that you’ve seen me in a light that nobody in my life has ever seen me before. I know that you’ll help me, that you’ll love me unconditionally no matter what I go through, even if I put you through hell. I know you’ll be by my side. And I want you by my side.  _

_ I’m afraid, but I want to take this chance. I want to jump down the hole of love. I want to be with you, I want to love you for the rest of my life, if you’ll have it, but that’s a conversation for another time. This is me telling you what I’ve wanted to tell you for so long now, but only found the courage to now.  _

“Oh…” Wonwoo blinks, feeling his heart break. 

“I can’t do this anymore, Wonwoo. I can’t play these games, because it hurts too much. Please, Wonwoo. Just go. I’d love to be friends, but- but I need time, to stop feeling in love with you.”

_ I love you. _

Wonwoo opens his mouth to say something, but no words come out. Kihyun is at Mingyu’s side now, and Wonwoo has a glimpse of the room behind them, a table with candles and homemade dinner, and wine glasses. 

Wonwoo can only nod.

Mingyu stands there looking at him, waiting for him to say something, or maybe waiting to go. “Okay,” Wonwoo whispers. “These- these are for you. I- I don’t know what you want to do with them. You can- you can throw them out if you want, I just- I- I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

_ I love you, Kim Mingyu.  _

_ I love you more than anyone in the world, more than anything in the universe.  _

_ I want to give you the stars, and the moon, and the sun and the trees, and the mountains. I want to live my life with you, I want to feel brave with you, I want to stop being afraid with you. I want you. _

Wonwoo thrusts the flowers into his arms, and turns on his heels and walks down the hall until he’s out of sight. And then he runs. He forgoes the elevator, and stumbles down the stairs and out the door, not knowing where he’s going. He doesn’t even think about his car, parked outside Mingyu’s building, or the fact that it’s raining, or any sensible thing. He just runs.

. 

_ I love you. _

He runs onto the street, into the rain, running blindly, his chest heaving, just wanting to get as far as he can from Mingyu, from where he left his heart, the one he’d opened, the one he’d given to Mingyu. The one he doesn’t want back, because Mingyu deserves it. He deserves love, he deserves the best parts of Wonwoo, the parts that care and love and want, and are brave, and happy, and carefree, and soft and tender, and-

Wonwoo can’t breathe, he can’t stop crying, and he can’t breathe. 

Wonwoo was lost, with the darkest parts of his mind, in the darkest part of the city, in the dark of the night, with the pouring rain over his head and in his chest, where his heart should be. He collapses to his knees and crawls up against the side of the building, his clothes soaked with rain, and he sobs, hiccuping for air, and none of it coming to him. His throat is tight, and he claws at his hair, plastered to his forehead. He leans heavily against it, sobbing into his knees. He feels his phone buzz in his pocket. 

With shaking hands, he pulls it out, and sees it’s Soonyoung. 

_ How’d it go, Wonu boy? _

Wonwoo hits the call button. 

“Wonwoo? I wasn’t really expecting you to call us and give us the details but-”

Wonwoo can only let out a strangled sound, something like a choking sob and a cry for air, for the pain in his chest to go away. 

“Oh my god, Wonwoo- are you having an anxiety attack? Hey, hey, just breathe, okay? Take the deep breaths. What are you so worked up about? It’s just Mingyu, he- oh.  _ Oh, Wonwoo…”  _ Soonyoung seems to get it. “I need you to breathe, okay Wonwoo? In for 5, remember? 1, 2, 3…” He can hear Soonyoung telling Jihoon to wake up, that they need to go help Wonwoo. How long had Wonwoo ran for? How long had he been crying for? 

“Are you at home? Is that the rain? Wonwoo you’re gonna ruin your phone, where are you?” Soonyoung sounds panicked now, asking too many questions and making Wonwoo’s head swim with too many thoughts and he just sobs again. He can hear some shuffling and Jihoon has the phone now, instructing him to just  _ breathe _ , to breathe in with his counting and then exhale. The first three or four breaths are still choppy and full of snot and tears, but eventually he’s not choking on his cries, and Jihoon asks where he is. 

“Dunno,” is all Wonwoo can make out. He can hear static, the pouring rain making his phone slippery after this long and quite possibly ruining it. 

“Can you turn your phone on and send me your location? It’s a torrential rain, Wonwoo, you’re lucky your phone has been alive this long, bub.”

Wonwoo does it on autopilot, feeling his chest ache, feeling emptiness where his heart had finally been found again, that dark feeling back and seeping into his bones once again. His phone blacks out shortly after he sends his location, and Wonwoo just sits there against the building, phone dead and gone in his hand, so he sets it aside on the wet sidewalk and hugs his knees to his chest. 

When Soonyoung and Jihoon arrive, the car is hardly stopped before Jihoon is throwing the passenger door open and running over to him, grabbing him in his arms, not caring about how wet he is. Soonyoung hurries over, fumbling with an umbrella and a wad of towels.

“Jeon Wonwoo, don’t you fucking scare me like that again!” Jihoon scolds, but he wraps him in a warm dry towel and a hug, holding him close to his chest. Wonwoo starts to cry again, a sob breaking past his lips. 

“He loves me, Jihoon, but- but he doesn’t want me… He doesn’t want me anymore,” Wonwoo manages to get out, sobbing into Jihoon’s shoulder, grabbing desperately at a fistful of t-shirt. 

“Soon, help me get him up and into the car, please.” Jihoon murmurs, and he feels Soonyoung help the two of them up. Wonwoo’s legs wobble like a newborn deer’s, but they make it across the sidewalk and into the backseat of the car, and head back to Soonyoung and Jihoon’s apartment. They dry him off and shove him into some dry pajamas, and tuck him into the spare bedroom. 

Wonwoo lives the next four days in their spare room, on autopilot. Jihoon calls Seungkwan and tells him Wonwoo is going to be out, and to inform the higher ups, blaming it on a serious cold he caught on the plane or something. Soonyoung checks in regularly, but Wonwoo doesn’t move. He doesn’t react for the first two days, aside from when Jihoon steps in and he’s forced to sit up and have a glass of water. And then Wonwoo promptly shuts down again. It’s hell. It’s like drowning, and it’s somewhere he’s been before, somewhere he never wanted to come back to.

The third night, Jihoon comes in and lays with him, wedging himself into Wonwoo’s arms, and Wonwoo just lays with his head on Jihoon’s chest. Soonyoung joins soon after, smelling like toothpaste and coconut shampoo, and he lays on the other side of Wonwoo, wrapping him in a hug. 

And they lay like that for a while. Wonwoo speaks eventually, when Soonyoung’s quiet snores meet his ears. “Jihoon?” Wonwoo whispers.

“Yeah Wonu?”

“I get it. I get why Mingyu… didn’t want me,” Wonwoo’s voice is barely there, and Jihoon tries to interject. “Who could? I’m fucked up. And as hard as I tried not to be, I was. And I couldn’t be not fucked up, despite how hard I tried. I’m a monster. I eat up love, when I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve someone like Mingyu. I was right. How can anyone love me, when I don’t love me? When I can’t figure out what I want? When I’m greedy, and selfish, and I-”

Wonwoo’s voice cracks, and Jihoon sighs, holding his head close to his chest, and petting his hair. 

“I just want him to know I’m sorry. I wish he knew how much I love him,” Wonwoo manages to whisper, sniffling as tears roll down his cheeks. 

Wonwoo goes home on the fifth day, but doesn’t go into work yet. He cleans his apartment. He throws out the bad food in his fridge, and he goes grocery shopping. He passes by the fresh produce, only picking out a tossed salad and the peppers he puts in his omelettes. He gets a carton of eggs, and some bread, and then he goes to the canned aisle, and he picks out four cans of soup, and then he goes to the instant meal aisle, and grabs some frozen dinners, and instant ramen. 

And then he goes back home, and makes a frozen dinner for lunch, and it all just tastes like gray to him. He hardly eats any of it, before he climbs into bed and stares at the wall. He doesn’t really know what he’s staring at, and he doesn’t think about anything, except the hole in his chest again. He doesn’t know how long he stares, he just knows that when his eyes fall on the chair in the corner, with the dog from Up in it, he blinks, and his eyes are watering and bleary, and he knows what he has to do.

He shuffles to the spare bedroom down the hall and pulls out an empty storage bin, and drags it to his room. And he gets a label out of his desk drawer and writes ‘ _ Mingyu’ _ in his neat writing. Wonwoo opens his drawers and pulls out the shirt of Mingyu’s he has, and sets it in first, and then followed by the dog from up, and the photobooth photos. Wonwoo tucks it all away, every memory, every item that screams Mingyu. And then he drags it back to the spare bedroom and tucks it in the closet, to be faced in years when he moves, or maybe when the emptiness in his chest hurts any less. 

Wonwoo stares at his bedroom door, and opts instead to go to the living room. He rents Up, the movie that Mingyu told him about, and wraps himself in the throw on the couch, and sobs while he watches the movie. Wonwoo  _ is _ the old man. Mingyu is somewhere between the kid, the dog, and Kevin, the bird, but it doesn’t matter which, because they made the old man happy again, they made the old man less grumpy, they changed the old man. And Mingyu did that for Wonwoo. 

But now Mingyu was gone, and Wonwoo could feel himself slipping back into the person he used to be, the person he hated, the person he never wanted to be, and thought he never would be again, just two weeks ago. Everything changes, but Wonwoo was meant to stay the same. 

Wonwoo starts working again on the sixth day. Maybe it’s stupid to start working on a Friday, but Wonwoo needs it. He needs something to throw himself into, so he can’t think about it. He goes to the gym after work, going so far as to going to the gym on the other side of the city, just in case Mingyu is there, like he was all those months ago. He runs, he runs until his lungs burn and his legs feel like noodles underneath him, and then he showers in scalding water, and goes home to have a shitty microwave dinner, and then he collapses into bed at 8:30. 

Soonyoung and Jihoon’s wedding is next weekend, one week from today, and today is one week after Mingyu told him he didn’t want him anymore. Wonwoo drags himself from bed and goes to Jihoon and Soonyoung’s apartment, to help finalize the wedding plans. They dance around the subject of Mingyu, just like they did with Minghao, and they’re light on the whole subject of weddings. Wonwoo tells them that it’s fine, he’ll be fine, and then they discuss when they should go in to put the placeholders in, the ones that they had made while Wonwoo was in Japan, the ones that arranged seating for the tables, and seating at the wedding, they slip the one they’d made, reading  _ Kim Mingyu _ in Soonyoung’s practiced calligraphy (a strange hobby he’d picked up a few years back) into the trash. 

“Wait, no,” Wonwoo says weakly, picking it back up out of the little office bin. “Can we- can we leave a seat open? For him?” Wonwoo’s voice is barely a whisper. 

“Wonu…” Jihoon tries tenderly. 

“I know- I know he won’t be there, and I know it will look weird to have- to have an empty seat in the group, but you could maybe put it on the edge, or something. Just- just in case. In case he read my letter, or- or opened the invitation…” Wonwoo feels that cavity in his chest opening back up, threatening to swallow him. The lump in his throat is back again, and his eyes are watering with tears threatening to spill. 

“Wonu, I don’t know that it’s a good idea for your head…” Soonyoung’s voice is gentle, but his words were not the right ones. “I think if he read it, he would have tried to contact you by now, Woo…” 

Wonwoo starts crying again, and Jihoon swats Soonyoung’s arm harshly, before wrapping Wonwoo in his arms. “Woo, come on, bud, stop crying… It’ll be okay, we’ll set a chair out for him, okay?” Jihoon says softly, trying to calm Wonwoo down. 

Wonwoo stops crying eventually, but he makes no effort to move from Jihoon’s arms. “I wish I wasn’t so afraid… I wish- I wish I didn’t let him get away…”

“I know, bud. I know. But you’ll be okay again, eventually. And Mingyu won’t make you hurt like Minghao, after a while.”

“But that took so long, Jihoon… I don’t want to be like that again, I don’t want to be that- that person again, I don’t want to feel this way anymore… Like I’ll never be good enough, like I’ll never- never find someone like- like how you have Soonyoung, or how Seokmin has Chan... I won’t get that, I’ll never- I’ll never be normal…” Wonwoo sniffles, his head on Jihoon’s shoulder. 

“You will, Woo. I know you will,” Jihoon says softly. Wonwoo doubts that. 

Wonwoo’s week is work, Disney movies, and hardly moving from the couch. And then the wedding is rolling around, the rehearsal dinner on Friday night, and being up early the next day to help Soonyoung and Jihoon get ready. He himself doesn’t need to do much, other than shower and tame his usual curls back into a slicked back look, none of which will need more than 20 minutes. Wonwoo is dreading this. Not so much the wedding, or the merriment and joy of two lovers uniting as one for the rest of their lives. 

It’s the functioning part of the day. The pretending he doesn’t want to be at home wallowing in sadness, the smiling for photos and trying to make the smile genuine, the talking to Soonyoung and Jihoon’s relatives and pretending he knows each and every person, and acting interested in their lives. It’s the functioning that Wonwoo is dreading. And the impending loneliness that will ensue when Seokmin and Chan fly back to New York in two days, and Jihoon and Soonyoung leave for their honeymoon tomorrow. 

Wonwoo doesn’t want to do any of it. But he does, because god dammit, he’s been the flakiest, stupidest, World’s Worst Best Man for the entirety of planning this wedding, and he’d be there for them, like they’ve been for him. So he does, he throws himself into it like he would work or his running, like nothing else in the world matters except this one event. He trucks through it like a runaway semi, unstoppable and unthinking. 

He stands in the bathroom and stares as Soonyoung styles his hair, huffing angrily when he can’t seem to get it to work. So Wonwoo fixes it, styling it smoothly like he would his own, but giving it a little more loose and relaxed feel, more fitting to Soonyoung’s style. He straightens Soonyoung’s tie and pats his shoulders, handing him his pocket square and accepting the rings from him, the ones that Soonyoung’s nephew would march down the aisle with him, set atop the tiny velvet pillow.

Wonwoo checks on Jihoon to see his getting ready is going smoothly, he’s adding the faintest smudge of eyeliner around his eyes, and beaming at Wonwoo with a blush on his cheeks that can only come from pure  _ happiness _ . He radiates giddiness and excitement, and Wonwoo remembers feeling the same way. It’s a fond memory, if not bittersweet, the memories of him getting ready on his wedding day. He was excited for it all, he felt ambitious and was looking towards the future with his to-be husband, and he knows Jihoon is feeling the same way. Like he could do anything, so long as Soonyoung was there with him.

They climb into two cars (Jihoon and Soonyoung were being all traditional) and head to the venue, the rest of the wedding party arriving at about the same time as them. Jihoon had Seokmin and Chan for two of his groomsmen, as well as his best friend since childhood, Yoojung, and technically Wonwoo was the best man for both of them. Soonyoung had his sister in his wedding party, and her husband and one of his old friends, Jinyoung in the party. The flower girl and the ring bearer are next, both of which are Soonyoung’s niece and nephew, and Jihoon’s parents are there to walk him ‘down the aisle’ or whatnot, and they head into separate quarters to wait for the guests to arrive. 

Wonwoo snacks nervously on the little cheese and cracker platters that were provided in the room, trying to push down the feeling he had all those years ago at his own wedding, the nerves that turned to hurt and years of self loathing. He shoves those feelings down and bottles them up, to ignore for tomorrow or whenever he could continue to wallow in self pity. This was about Jihoon and Soonyoung. Not him. 

So he went back and forth between rooms, getting acquainted with the rest of the party that he didn’t really know, learning their names and jobs, and beaming like everything was fine in his life. After almost an hour of this, Jihoon tugs Wonwoo aside, hissing quietly. 

“Wonwoo, are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Never been better. What could possibly make you think otherwise?” Wonwoo asks incredulously. 

“You’ve got this terrifying, nervous energy around you. Like, weird, strange clown vibes or something. I don’t know how to explain it. Like ‘hello, I radiate sunshine and rainbows and my life is just fine and dandy’ when we all know you’re-”

“I’m being fine, Jihoon. I don’t know how else to be right now. Especially because I’m focusing really hard on making this not about me, and you asking me questions is not helping this effort.”

“Alright. I’m just checking in. Please, I mean it, if you need  _ anything _ at all, let me know.” Jihoon pats his shoulder reassuringly. 

And Wonwoo continues pretending to be ‘OKAY’ because that’s all he can do, besides push the feelings down, and ignore the empty chair from the rehearsal that’s haunting his mind. He throws himself in his groomsmen duties, and when the music starts, he walks out confidently, looking elegant and carrying through the ceremony, standing stoically by Soonyoung’s side as the wedding procession comes through, watching everyone walk through, and smiling with Genuine Fondness when Soonyoung’s niece and nephew skip through, looking absolutely adorable.

And then the crowd is rising for Jihoon, and that’s when Wonwoo sees him. 

Where an empty chair should be, with  _ Kim Mingyu _ written in looping, golden calligraphy, he stands, a head taller than half the attendees to the wedding. Kim. Mingyu.

Wonwoo doesn’t know if he wants to faint or cry or jump for joy. He forces himself to look away from Mingyu, and watch Jihoon glide down the aisle and take his spot across from Soonyoung, hand in hand. The priest reads their rites, the ones about sickness and health, for better or for worse, and they’re looking at one another like they hold the universe, and it’s beautiful, like a form of art that can never truly be painted out or put into real words, like a moment you have to see to believe. 

It’s true love. 

Wonwoo spares a glance over at Mingyu, who’s looking at the couple in awe and endearing. Soonyoung and Jihoon start on their vows, and Wonwoo listens to their words, they’re simple and sweet, and make several allusions to inside jokes they have, making the other laugh, and it’s beautiful and poetic and loving, just like love should be. Wonwoo looks back at Mingyu once again, and sees him tearing up at their words, and Wonwoo wishes he was beside Mingyu, squeezing his hand and crying with him over a beautiful wedding ceremony.

He’s broken out of his thoughts by the priest asking for the rings, which Wonwoo had taken from the ring bearer after he made it down the aisle, and steps forward to hand them to the pair at the altar, with a soft, genuine smile, and he knows its watery, but he’s got tears in his eyes for hundreds of reasons right now, and it makes Jihoon smile and laugh something breathily about Wonwoo being a baby. 

Wonwoo steps back into his spot in line and Mingyu is staring at him. He offers him a half a smile, and there’s something incredibly sad about it, and Wonwoo bites his tongue and stares up at the ceiling to avoid the tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. 

Soonyoung and Jihoon kiss, and the attendees erupt in cheers, and Wonwoo himself claps. The wedding party leaves first, following the bride and groom, to do photos, and Wonwoo has a hard time tearing his eyes off Mingyu, hair slicked back and eyes watering, in a casual suit, looking handsome and sad. 

Wonwoo has so many questions swirling around in his head, questions for Mingyu. Why had he shown up? Had he read the letter? He’d at least seen the invitation, but did he know how Wonwoo felt? Maybe Wonwoo would never know. Maybe he’d imagined Mingyu standing there by his empty chair. Maybe he was giving Wonwoo one last hurrah and then disappearing. He probably wouldn’t be at the reception, knowing Wonwoo’s luck. 

The photos go by in a blur, and they’re done in less than an hour. Wonwoo throws himself into it, ignoring the questions and the potential Mingyu hallucination. Except when he sits down at the wedding party table, he spots Mingyu again, sitting at a table full of strangers, distantly related to Soonyoung or Jihoon in some way. Wonwoo swears he’s imagining it, because Mingyu looks distinctly un-Mingyu. He looks sad and bored, and lonely, and that’s not how Mingyu should look at all. He’s friendly and bright and happy. Maybe Wonwoo  _ was _ imagining Mingyu, in his sick, fucked up mind. 

The food comes out and Wonwoo tries so hard not to look at the table Mingyu is sitting at, he tries not to think about the length of time they’d have to wait for the food to be served and eaten, and the time taken up by the dances they’d have to sit through, and the cake cutting they’d have to endure before Wonwoo can speak to him again, for the first time in two weeks, before Wonwoo can find out if this is really his imagination or not. 

“Wonwoo. Is that Mingyu?” Seokmin, who’s seated next to Wonwoo, whispers in his ear. 

“I- I think it is. Oh  _ god _ , you see him too right? This isn’t just my fucked up head making me imagine him. That’s- Mingyu…” Wonwoo doesn’t mean for it to come out so desperate, but it does, and Seokmin pats him on the back gently. 

“It’ll be alright. He’s gotta be here for a reason, Woo.” Seokmin says quietly, trying to reassure him.

The wedding festivities pass in a blur, giving Wonwoo time to think, and worry, and get sad, and then get distracted, and then repeat the cycle all over again. Finally,  _ finally _ , it’s just dance and drink time, and Wonwoo finds himself sliding around the edge of the room, trying to subtly make his way to Mingyu’s table. 

Except when he starts on his journey, Mingyu isn’t at the table. Wonwoo looks around in confusion, frantically searching the crowd for Mingyu. He jumps about a mile when someone taps his shoulder, and he whirls around to see Mingyu standing there, a gentle smile on his face. “Hey. We- can we talk? Maybe not… not here?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Wonwoo says, so they walk outside to the gardens outside and sit down on a bench, side by side, in the late evening sun. Wonwoo doesn’t know who should speak first, so he does. “I watched Up,” he blurts. Mingyu turns to look at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“You- You were right. About everything. I’m the old man, and- and I’m ridiculous, and stupid and afraid, and I don’t let people in, ever. And you were right about- about not making you wait, I get why you moved on, I get why you didn’t want to wait any longer, I get it. I shouldn’t have made you wait like that, it was wrong, and I was scared, and I put you through so much more than I realized-”

“No, Wonwoo. I’m sorry. Please, stop saying I was right, because I wasn’t. Those were your ways of showing affection, of showing you loved me. And I shouldn’t have told you like that, I shouldn’t have hurt you like I did. Wonwoo I’m so sorry. I just- I was frustrated, because- for fucks sake, I said it, I know it was quiet but you didn’t regard it, at all, and it- it hurt. And it hurt when you told me you were trying to figure things out and you said you didn’t know if you’d ever be ready- shit, Wonwoo, I  _ cried _ that night, after you fell asleep…”

“No, Mingyu, I should apologize, I didn’t realize- I mean I  _ knew _ how you felt, I knew that you- you cared, obviously, and I should have been more thoughtful of how- how it was probably a lot stronger than a friendship sort of love- because I mean- we went on  _ dates _ , and we had  _ sex _ , but you still cared a hell of a lot when I was crying, or when I had panic attacks, and- I’m sorry, it really probably felt a hell of a lot like I was leading you on, and I never meant that, but I’m selfish and horrible and I kept pushing you away and pulling you back in, and it was- shit, it was fucking toxic, and you deserve so much better than I ever was or am. I’m sorry, Mingyu.”

Mingyu stares at him for a long while. At least it feels like a while, Wonwoo’s sure it’s only a minute at most, but it feels like a fucking eternity. Mingyu sighs and grabs Wonwoo, tugging him in for a hug. 

“Wonwoo, you’re a hell of a lot better man than you were. I’m not going to lie to you, I wasn’t sure at first. Sure, I was fine with a hookup. You were a hot stranger in a bar- at my bar, even, and I rarely do that. Then there was the shower, and then- and that’s when it started getting weird, because you got shitfaced and then you invited me to your friend’s theater thing, and you were so stiff and awkward, and you didn’t tell me  _ anything _ so I thought it was weird that you were trying to do this with me, and I kind of thought you were going to psycho murder me or something. And then I decided to take a chance, because, hey, glass half full kind of guy, he’s sort of funny and maybe he’s just having a tough time, y’know?”

“You thought I was a psycho murderer?” Wonwoo laughs. Laughing is better than crying right now, Wonwoo is pretty sure, because Mingyu isn’t finished with his story and he’s at his best friend’s wedding, and this isn’t about him. It’s about hearing what Mingyu has to say.

“Yes, actually. It’s kind of hilarious. Ask Jooheon, he suffered the worst of all my ranting and raving. So I gave it a shot, and then you had that panic attack and I knew you were a very, very damaged man. In some way. And I wanted to know why, I wanted to know how I could help, because fuck, even if you were a psycho murderer, you’re a human being and you deserve help and support. And you hinted all this time at someone who hurt you, very badly, and I- I don’t know, that kind of hurt me to think about. 

“Then I ran into you at the grocery store that one night, and we had dinner together and holy shit, red wine really does make you a different man, but that was a whole other side of you I didn’t know, and I think that’s the moment I decided I liked you, at least as more than a hot piece of flat ass.”

Wonwoo snorts at that comment, despite the fact that tears are threatening to fall down his cheeks. “Rude, I’m sorry I’m such a twig,” Wonwoo’s laugh is watery and he’s clinging to Mingyu now, like he’s his only lifeline. “You mean- you thought I was a psycho murderer and you still tried to take a chance on me? Mingyu, this is what I mean when I say-”

“Don’t you  _ dare _ say that I deserve someone better than you, Jeon Wonwoo. Because you are a wonderful man, even if you kind of give off weird dark vibes before you get a chance to really open up to someone. Sure, you pushed me away and then pulled me back in and confused the hell out of me and kinda broke my fucking heart, but I knew that when I signed up, that this would be one hell of a rollercoaster ride, because you were  _ hurting _ . You were grieving the old you, you were grieving your loss of love, and you were in a bad place. And despite our strange come and go thing, you’ve grown  _ so damn much _ . You’re happier, you’re more open, and you’ve told me  _ so much _ , and I know you, and what you’re like, and what makes you tick. 

“And I love it, Wonwoo. I love the man you’ve become, I love seeing that you’ve grown, I love spending time with you, and I love being able to grow with you. And that’s why I’m sorry I didn’t wait. I knew that you were taking big steps, by- by inviting me to Japan with you, by letting me in and spending more time with me, and being your only hookup, or whatever, by becoming friends with me. And I was immature, and I slept with other people, because I was impatient. And I was cold towards you because you kept  _ ditching me _ and not telling me where you were going and I cared  _ so damn much _ about you that I couldn’t just let it go, and be happy you were brave enough to come back. 

“I know that this is a huge leap for you, Wonwoo, and I was a jackass and I couldn’t wait. And for that I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo is crying quietly into the shoulder of Mingyu’s button down, evidently ruining any hope of him keeping it together. “I’m sorry too… I- I hurt you, Mingyu. I understand why you were cold, you had every right to be. I’m sorry that I handled things the way I did… I just- I know now, that I’ve grown and that- that I don’t have to be afraid, that I deserve- I deserve love… I just- I would have turned me down too, after all I put you through, when I showed up on your freaking doorstep like a fool. You had every right to, and I never for a second blamed you for it. I deserved every moment of hurt that it caused, because I’d done the same to you plenty of times. And I am sorry.”

“God, Wonwoo, I don’t think I can hear another ‘I’m sorry’ from either of us, the word is starting to sound weird and we need to stop being so… well, sorry,” Mingyu laughs, and Wonwoo can tell he’s crying, so Wonwoo holds him tight, tighter than he’s ever held on to anyone or anything. He’s not going to let Mingyu go again, he can’t. He can’t lose this. 

“Can we move past it? Past all of it? All the bad, I mean. I- I liked the good, and I know the good always comes with bad, but, I want to move on. I want to keep growing with you, Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo gasps out a yes through his tears, and clings tighter to Mingyu. “Of course we can keep growing together. I would love nothing more than to grow with you.”

And so the two of them stand there, hugging each other like they hold the world in their arms, until each is done crying. And then they still stand there in one another’s arms, listening to the music in the other room, and enjoying the stillness of this one. “Can I ask you some questions?” Wonwoo asks quietly. 

“Yes, of course.” Mingyu says.

“Why didn’t you get to me sooner? I just- I hurt, a lot in those weeks without you and I- I just want to know… Why now?”

Mingyu chuckles, and it’s almost bitter. “I know. I- I needed time to wallow in my own self loathing, I guess. Again, I’m still immature about things I suppose, but… I just needed time to think about it all. Process your feelings, process my own feelings, continue to try and be stubborn and get over you, worry about when the best time to try and contact you was. I saw the invitation and I guess that was a sign for me, about when I should talk to you.”

“So then… the letter.”

“Yes, I read it. And I cried like a fucking baby, Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo nods, his head still on Mingyu’s shoulder. “That’s all my questions for now. Want to go clean our faces up in the bathroom and then go dance?”

“I’d love to.”

The night draws to a close, and it’s full of laughter between the two of them, dancing and chatting with Wonwoo’s friends, and finally the night ends and the two of them are headed out, Wonwoo pleading with Mingyu to sleep over. Wonwoo had used his own remarkable set of big watery puppy eyes and claims that he needs two weeks of cuddles as compensation for the weeks he missed out on with Mingyu. Mingyu told him that ‘soft was a good look on him, if only it weren’t just because the champagne was talking,’ to which they had both laughed and stumbled through Wonwoo’s door and shucked their suits off on the way to the bedroom and collapsed in bed. 

“Mingyu?” Wonwoo asks after a while of them laying in the dark. 

“Yeah, Wonu?” Mingyu asks quietly. 

“Do you wanna be my boyfriend?”

There’s a pause, and then a laugh, a  _ real, _ beautiful, strong belly laugh, a laugh that only Kim Mingyu laughs. A laugh Wonwoo can truly say he wants to spend the rest of his life hearing. “Of course, you doofus.  _ Fuck _ , I love you.” Mingyu says, rolling on top of Wonwoo to give him a kiss. Wonwoo laughs too, his grin breaking their kiss. 

**“I love you too.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE ENDING PEOPLE.
> 
> except i'm considering writing an epilogue BUT ONLY IF Y'ALL WANT IT SO IF YOU WANT IT THEN LET ME KNOW.
> 
> On a real note, I want to thank you all for this, and being on this wonderful (but rough?) journey through this fic, this ending has been a long time coming, and I've had overwhelming response to this fic. Thank you for reading and for keeping me going, without support this really would not have gotten finished. Thanks to my two best friends who also pushed me through writing this because without their yelling for an ending it also would not have ever been finished.  
> who knew this whole wonderful story came from ONE LINE of prompt I found on pinterest forever ago?? (RE: 'could you two stop embarrassing me?!") Anyways this fic was all done in ONE google doc and it's literally 105 pages long and takes a million years to load, this shit was a novel.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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